The Little Things

I had a dentist appointment today for the first time since before graduate school and boy are my teeth clean! I've always like the dentist but couldn't afford insurance/cleanings as an underpaid student. It was an exciting day for me, and may be the most exciting thing this week (not because my weeks are boring but because it was that exciting)!

Unifinished Sentence

There is no winner from last week because the sentence was boring and the one answer was boring. So there.

Here's a new sentence. It's a Halloween special!

"The best candy filling is _______"

Ghosts and Goblins...and Ladies of the Night?

Every year the weekend before Halloween, my city has this thing where everyone dresses up and goes to bars and wanders the downtown (all four blocks of it). Last night as I was coming home from my dinner party, I got to drive through all the festivities and look at all the costumes. And I noticed a lot of the girls wearing costumes involving garters and ruffled underwear. (And I'm not being prudish, I have a costume that I call my Slutty Cowgirl costume because it involves a short skirt and halter, but apparently if it actually covers any part of your body it's too modest. And after being what my friends termed a "whore" last year - I was a cigarette girl from the 20s but had forgotton all my accessories - I went as Smurfette this year.)

One particularly girl standing on a corner was dressed as an "angel" (from the Victoria's Secret Angel collection, maybe?). She was a bigger girl and didn't quite fit into her costume of thigh-highs and garters and wings. So I was musing about her costume selection when I got to witness a very unladylike act of adjusting the bottom half of her obviously too small costume (i.e. removing it from uncomfortable places).

Maybe next time she'll put a little more thought into it.

Small Town Life

Small towns are weird. Back in my day (here I go again!) we went Trick-or-Treating on Halloween AND at night. It's like I'm in E.T. (and I don't mean to use that as in these people are from another planet but because in the movie they went Trick-or-Treating in the daylight). Here, and in all the cities around here, they have designated days and times for seeking out candy. The next town over is even different in day and time. These are small towns, and I bet everyone in a particular neighborhood at least knows everyone else; it's not like it's dangerous.

I guess it gives kids lots of opportunities to score some candy

Hobbies

So today I went to two parties. A luncheon and a dinner.

The biggest problem being the luncheon started at 3 and the dinner was at 6:30.

What did I do, you ask? Did I eat at just one? Did I eat just a little at each? Of course not, you silly crazy person!

I ate heartily at both. Hot dogs. Hamburgers. Snacks. Pepsi. Steak tips and chicken in marinade. Pumpkin cheesecake. Mmmm........

Recently, I was asked if I wanted to be featured as a New Face in our employee newsletter. I do, I like people reading about me (ok, that time I do mean that egotistically, unlike the proceeding gremlins comment). So I filled out the form.

The last question was about hobbies. I really really really wanted to put eating down.

Is eating a hobby? Can it be a hobby? I'm by no means a food critic or connoisseur. And really, I'll eat anything (except for many of the vegetables. I'm bad like that.). A friend suggested I put baking or cooking or going to restaurants. Nope, that's not it even, although I do enjoy those things. I don't do them enough that they could be considered a hobby.

Every day should be Thanksgiving.

Two Points

I hit a possum last night on my way home. This is the first time I've ever hit an animal in all my years of driving. I've even stopped for frogs that have hopped into my way.

I think his buddies must have been standing in the shadows, daring him to go, because it's a dark and empty back road and he could have had many opportunities to cross prior to my appearance on the scene. He just kind of showed up, as if he'd been pushed into the road.

My first reaction when I saw it was not to swerve and try to miss it. I know well enough that that can just lead to more or worse accidents and to just go ahead and hit it. My first reaction was instead to hit the horn.

The horn, you say? Apparently, I didn't think the thing saw me, what with the bright lights and the barrelling down on it. I guess I thought it would hear the horn and leap out of my way, the way possums do. In a kind of Michigan J. Frog way, with a dancing shuffle.

Up Hill Both Ways

I know we all have those days where something makes us feel old. Like the time I went to the MUSEUM and they had a display of Christmases past and they had all my toys from the 80's under glass. AT THE MUSEUM. Or at my brother's high school graduation where the principle's speech was all about E.T., a movie that came out years before those kids were even born.

Yesterday while listening to the radio, Marilyn Manson's version of Personal Jesus (which is surpringly good) came on. Afterward the DJ (remember, I listen to a radio station out of a high school) tells us it was a cover of Depeche Mode's song and "...you've probably never heard of Depeche Mode but say it with me...De-peche Mode."

Nooooooooo! That's not even 20 years ago! Soon I'll be my DAD!

"...across glass, barefoot..."

It's On the Wing of the Plane

So on my walk home today from work some kid tried to pick me up. This didn't surprise me because it happens all the time to and from work (and I'm not saying this to brag or in an egotistical way, it's the truth. Unless they're really honking and yelling unintelligible things because there's a gremlin or something attaching itself to my back or pant leg).

Normally, this irritate me. I mean, what? am I supposed to now be attracted to you? Please, let me run right over and hop in your truck. Really, it makes me want to ram their car...with their face.

Enough of the violent tendencies. Occasionally, if they're original or something, I'm amused or flattered. Or if their somewhat appropriate. Like the time I was standing on a street corner under a lit lamppost at a busy intersection waiting for a friend like the good little prostitute I was and I could hear some guys in their car whistling and howling. With their windows up. It was totally called for and I laughed. Or if they sarcastically yell "Go Blue!" when I'm in Ohio and all they care about is some spiny nuts.

Today the kid rolls down his window and asks if I need a ride somewhere, like I'm some sort of vagabond obviously on my way home from school, like I'm walking down the side of the highway or something (although, seriously, I don't think people really know what walking is around here, I've seen kids take the bus one stop just around a corner when they could have been there faster by walking a diagonal across the parking lot - the quickest way from point A to B is a straight line).

I really wanted to say that I'm not supposed to take rides from strangers...maybe if you had a cooler car.

White Coat Update

I've asked two people and they don't have to wear their white coats!

It's Halloween Time!

This last weekend I went pumpkin picking. They had all kinds of pumpkins: tiny little ones, big round ones that were flat as if someone had sat on them, brains, deep orange and green ones that looked like hats. Mine is a white one with orange and green stripes.

Last night, I carved my pumpkin. Once I finally managed to get the top off (it was very thick!), the first thing I noticed was that, unlike other pumpkins that smell like pumpkin, mine smelled like melon. The second thing was that it had the consistency of melon (kind of squishy).

I spent a long time trying to figure out if maybe I'd picked a melon instead of a pumpkin. But it looked like a pumpkin. And the seeds, though larger than regular pumpkin seeds, were not melon seeds. But it still smelled and squashed like a melon when I poked it. I even asked the devil cat if it was a melon, after he ate it (on his own accord).

So I've decided it's maybe some sort of weirdo melon-pumpkin hybrid. If plants had sexes, this would be a pumplon (I picture the pumpkin a male and the male's name comes first, I think. Like Humanzee.).

For those of you who are curious, I carved it into a ghost, with big ol' eyes and a wiggly mouth.

The Old Man is Snoring

My little toesies are all wet and have been wet all day from my walk to work this morning!

I should have listened to Lieutenant Dan.

Unfinished Sentence

Ha ha, I'm going to throw a twist in and make this week's winner a combination of two answers:

"When I grow up, I want to be a bawler."

By Srah.

This week's sentence:

"I'm feeling uncreative today so ______"

Yeah, yeah.

Thank Goodness it's...October?

Ok, so we all occasionally confuse the days, and think it's later in the week than it really is. But today I confused the months. Twice.

I sent this cracked out email to my cousin today, where I wished him a happy birthday. I KNOW his birthday's not in October and is, in fact, in November. However, I didn't know it wasn't November.

Earlier in the day, I thought I had missed someone else's birthday at the beginning of November.

I've decided to skip right past the rest of the month (and Halloween!) and move straight on into November.

The funniest part came when I was telling someone about this via email and I mistakenly wrote "I'm ahead by a whole monk".

A whole monk!

I'm Better Than You

I saw today that the med students where I work wear their white coats to class. It's not a hospital. There are no patients. Why do they need to wear their coats? Are they told to wear their coats, like it's a uniform? Or did one of them just decide to do it and then the others start to do it too so as not to be shown up. It's a medical school. There's, like, 8 students there who are not trying to become medical doctors.

It's not just that they're wearing these coats. These are "advanced" kids, striving to be doctors by the age of 22. It's a building full of pretentious Doogie Howsers (in my opinion, Doogie was not pretentious, he was just smart). So the coats really don't add anything. Can you add showy-offness on top of false Doogieness?

I promise you, I'm not bitter. I just don't understand why. Do other medical schools without patients do this?

The Tale of the Incredible Growing Shirt and other stories

Can shirt sleeves grow? I know they can shrink, but can they actually elongate themselves?

Now, I don't mean just stretched out; I mean a substantial growth.

I have this 3/4 length sleeved shirt on and I swear it looks as if I'm instead wearing shrunken long sleeves. Like high waters on my arms. I know my arms have shrunk in the last year, as evidenced by a slipping watch, but not in length.

I just picture it soon engulfing my entire body.

Yesterday's Lunch

All I had in my house to eat was pasta. So I went to the grocery store. I decided to treat myself with some muffins but, rather than search out the yummy bakery muffins, I just picked up some that were right there.

I went home. The muffins, though lemon poppyseed, were lowfat and cholesterol free. (I should really learn to read the package before buying things. I live by the philosophy that if I'm going to eat anything but vegetables, they should be fat-full.) Therefore, they were extra chewy and dry. So I got some milk. And I took a big sip. Mmmm, milk. I finished the muffin and went to drink the rest of the milk and discovered...it was curdled (it was an opened, older milk, not the one I just bought)! It really hadn't tasted sour, in fact I had quite enjoyed it's cool refreshness. So my lunch was a big fat disappointment.

(Aside: in college, my roommates once made me drink milk that was way past the sell by date to make sure it was still good. You know how you can't tell anything by the smell. Because the rim always smells sour? Fortunately, it had yet to revolt.)

Oh Happy Day

I got a raise at work today!

Unifinished Sentence

Ok, so my mom wins last week's, just because she really wanted to and posted her answer 4 times. And because it's my mom. Here it is:

"The big fat man ran and ran in his dreams, because if he had run and run in real life, he would have been hauled away in an ambulance, and there would have been 500 more articles about obesity in the paper! "

And, just because you asked, here's the real poem:

The Big Fat Man

The big fat man
Ran and ran
On top of a van
With Jan.
He put ants
In her pants
And jumped off of the van
With a fan.

I was seven.

This week's sentence is

I want to be a ___________ when I grow up.

A Quick Fix

Today at work, I accidently splashed bleach onto my shirt. I didn't realize at first, until I saw the spot of my shirt in the bathroom mirror. And it made me sad. I thought, great, maybe now I'll spill these chemicals on myself, too.

And then I thought, maybe I should. I was using a purple stain and wearing a purple shirt. And they looked the same shade. So I took a paint brush and filled in the bleach mark with the purple stain. And you can't even tell.

Quality Assurance

Someone I know just got back from Madagascar and with him came Malagasy chocolate.

This is some good chocolate, let me tell you. I haven't had swiss chocolate in a while, but I think this wins. And I've discovered a new way of measuring the quality of something - if I can actually stop eating it (unlike the donut, see below).

I know, this seems counter intuitive; if it's really good, you should want to eat lots. Not so, my friend. If it's good, you should be quickly satisfied by a little flavor. Then you can savor. I feel like Charlie Bucket (in the first movie), where he eats just a nibble of his chocolate bar.

So apparently, my donuts (sorry, Entemann's, I still love you!) are not the equivalent of Malagasy chocoloate (in 24% (milk chocolate), 47% (dark) and 70% (even more dark) cocoa).

Oh, I'm not a chocolate snob. I'll eat any chocolate (well, except those gross coins and eggs at holidays). In fact, my dinner was a donut and 6 mini milky way bars. I like chocolate too much to be a chocolate snob, it'd get expensive!

The D.A.R.E. Program

If I were a superhero, my weakness would be donuts.

I've discovered recently that if there is one donut, I will eat it. If there is four donuts, I will eat more than one. Recently, I told my mom that she can't buy donuts anymore if I'm in town. Because I eat them. At lab meeting, there are donuts. I eat them. I can't just stop at a normal one (unless it's a paczki, because they're so sugary I'd die).

I hate to think of all the things I could have accomplished if it weren't for distraction by donuts.

In the words of Homer Simpson...well, you know the rest...

Unfinished Sentence

The winner of last week:

Srah, with "Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your chin hair grow?"

I first read it on a Mac, where the commenter's name covers up part of the comment. I had to copy and paste it somewhere else in order to read it, so I didn't really know what to expect. That's why I picked it.

My answer would have been something inanimate that doesn't really grow.

Here's this week's sentence:

"The big fat man ran and ran ____________."

This is an excerpt from a poem I wrote which was almost published (it won some contest, but we would have had to pay to publish it). If you're good, I'll recite the rest next week (I don't want to give any help by writing it all now. It's quite stellar.)

My Evening

Last night I went back into the city for a concert. It seems every year a friend of mine gets tickets to something that someone can't make, so I become her date. Two years ago, we saw Wynton Marsalis. Last night we saw the Foo Fighters.

The Kaiser Chiefs opened for them, which was exciting because I didn't know who was opener and I like them. Weezer was also touring with them. With the exception of The Sweater Song, I'm not a huge fan of them, but they were good, too. Both bands were good performers and good live. Then the Foo Fighters got on stage and Dave Grohl was running around like crazy. It was a great show. Great. (I'm a little lacking on the adjectives this morning).

It was fun people watching. There was a group of kids in front of us who were annoying but amusing. They were all Too Cool for School and the one girl kept turning around and glaring at everyone, but no one in particular, behind her. One guy would call up his buddies (I assume) and let them hear the concert, but really he would just sing into the phone for them. If I were his friend, which I wouldn't be, I would punch him in the face, he was so stupid. I also enjoyed watching security at the floor "seats" actually catch the crowd surfers who were being thrown to the front of the crowd. The kids would be uprighted and just Return to Start.

Remember the Alamo...Bowl

A while back, we were eating Special Edition Tostitos and saw they were giving away a trip to Michigan's bowl game. Someone pointed out that it was a little early for that contest, as the football season had just started. The rest of us scoffed because when was the last time they didn't go to a bowl game?

Ha. There's, like, 90 bajillion bowl games to go to and it doesn't seem all that hard to go, unless you're State, but we seemed to want to challenge ourselves by losing every other game. I think Tostitos is going to make out very well with their contest, as they won't have to front the money for anything, except maybe a salad bowl.

It Was Against the Wind

I made my goal yesterday at the race! I was aiming to finishing faster than I had last time, which was 45 minutes. This year I ran about 2.3 miles (it was more than 2 but I don't think it was quite 2.5) of it and beat my time by 10 minutes!

After the race, I toured the sponsor tents and picked up all the free stuff I could. There weren't as many tents or people this year, probably because the weather was yucky. But I braved it and, at 9 AM I was eating ice cream in the freezing, pelting rain. We had our team picture taken and I'm sure it'll be very attractive because everyone was soaked and trying to smile through the pain, er, rain. (Eventually, we sought shelter in the lobby of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.) But, despite the rain flying at us at 200 mph, it was a good time.

Undecipherables

Is this like unmentionables?

Last night, being the good little anthropologist I am, I was watching a program on PBS about the migration of people out of Africa 45 mya. My favorite (?) quote was "If Africa is our cradle, then the Middle East is the nursery of Human Kind." Um, can someone please explain WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT? Does that actually make any kind of sense? Shouldn't cradles be IN the nursery, what? If only my English GRE scores hadn't been so low....(you know, all those analogies and Old English words come in real handyin my daily conversations)

They Way of the Diary

I have been a horrible blogger! I was never one for keeping diaries or journals and the pressure of writing for thousands (ok, four) people hasn't seemed to encouraged me to keep up-to-date. Though you may not have gathered from such fantastic posts as SHOES or most of the others, I actually can tell a mean story. Problem is, there haven't been too many stories that weren't "and then I did this and then I did that and then I ate ice cream".

Tomorrow I have plans that have potential, although could just as easily be a "and then" story. I'm "running" (I'm not a runner, I'm actually very anti-running, my escuse being it's bad for the knees) in the

Race for the Cure. I "ran" (about a third of it) two years ago and enjoyed it. I'm glad to be getting back to it.

Unfinished Sentence

Man, there were some good ones! I liked Angela Lansbury because I like anything to do with ol' Angie because it freaks Alfie out. I also like BOTH of Katie's answers (why would Babe Ruth throw particularly good parties?) but, just to give other people a chance, this week's winner is Tony with:

"The best person to have as a neighbor would be the Crazy Burger King guy because we could play football together and I would totally lateral to him so he could take it to the hizouse! "

I love the Burger King guy because he kinda creeps me out, in a good sort of way.

The newest sentence of fun is:

"Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your __________ grow?"

SHOES!

I love shoes. A few months ago, I made a deal with a friend that, once we both had jobs, we'd go shoe shopping. Now we both do. So, when are we going? Are you going to be around in three weekends? I want some dark casual sneaker-types.

Anyway, that's not the post. This weekend, we went dancing and, after a couple hours moved off the floor for a bit. Some guys came up to us and began chatting with us. I was told that my shoes were tight (although, this came during a conversation about how we weren't dancing because two of my friend's shoes hurt their feet, so I had to clarify if they were "tight as in restrictive or tight as in tight"). I love that my shoes were tight (it was the latter). I love 'em. They're my "brown boots" because that's what I was looking for when I bought them. In reality, they're three-inch pink heels with open toes. Even though I'm tall, I like wearing heels. They make me feel pretty, oh so pretty (not that flats make me feel like a troll under the bridge or anything. Maybe it's the clickity-clack of the shoes. Iono.).

Shoes shoes shoes shoes shoes (sorry, there's not much else to this story). Shoes!

Bank Two...Or Even Worse

I hate my bank.

I've hated my bank ever since I opened the account two years ago. But I wanted a bank that is also in my parents' city. So I joined Bank "One".

This weekend I went out to buy presents - two birthday and one bridal shower - and a light bulb. And, as I was paying for my first purchase, I learned that my debit card had expired and that my bank hadn't bothered to send me a new one. So I had to charge it, even though I've stopped using my credit cardand am trying to pay it off (which, by the way, is what I was going to do with my paycheck except they prorated last month and I can't now).

I called customer service to try to reactivate the card and the woman told me I should have received a new card but they would send another (she also told me I could go to any branch and get a temporary ATM card to which I replied "riiiight, but they're all closed"). But my bank is a bunch of liars, so we'll see. In 5-7 business days, I expect my suspicions to be confirmed. When I first opened the account, it took them 5 weeks (and many inquiries and demands made by me) to send the original debit card. They kept telling me it was on its way. (Also, they once opened a credit card for me without my knowledge and "cancelled" it when I asked yet still called me about it, making me think it wasn't actually cancelled. I never received a card for that, either, come to think of it.)

I was late for work this afternoon because I had to actually go to the bank during business hours. I guess the good thing about all this is I can't spend money on silly stuff, like groceries.