Unfinished Sentence

Last week's winner is Srah, by default, with:

"Instead of Freddy v. Jason, it should have been Freddy v. a big jar of jam!"

Not leprechaun? Like Lucky, perhaps?

This week's sentence:

"The wheels on the bus go _______."

If I get more answers (from different people), Srah wouldn't win all the time!

The Wheels On My Bus

Today I spent the morning sitting at the mechanics.

Last night I got home from work and was about to head to work when I saw that I had a flat tire. I mean flat. This intrigued me because the night before I had just driven three hours and had had no problem with the tires. I couldn't see what was wrong with it and therefore couldn't just go get some fix-a-flat or whatever. So I set to jacking the car up and changing the tire. Apparently, in addition to needing men to open doors for me (chivalry isn't dead!) I also need them to unscrew some bolts because it took three of us. I asked some random guy who doesn't live at my apartment but had the misfortune of being the first person I saw unscrew the bolts. I guess that snowball I ran over coming into my parking lot the night before wasn't really a snowball, or else some sort of malicious snowball, because the gouge in my tire was too big to have driven on further than two feet.

I blame my dad. Somehow he sabotaged me. I say this because just the other day, after driving each others' cars, he was complaining to me about my tires while I was complaining to him about his alignment. I explained to him that the front tires were new and the back were not as used on my front-wheel drive car. He explained to me that my problem with his car was operator error (although how I could have not crashed into trees and cars with the steering wheel off by 45 degrees if it were really operator error, I know not). Somehow my dad got an ice ball to wait for me in my parking lot. (Lately, I've devised all kinds of conspiracy theories. One involved a couple of "world leaders", or morons, the other a certain situation involving the "retirement" of some judges. I'm not going to say anything else because I don't want the government to go all Mel Gibson on me. Well, I guess I'd go all Mel Gibson on them.)

Happy Post Thanksgiving Post!

Ah, it was nice having four whole days in a row off from work instead of one in a row. But, alas, I'm back at work yesterday.

So what did I do over break? I ate and ate and ate. I went out to eat twice and to turkey dinners twice. I saw a Michigan hockey game, who played just like the Michigan football team, which is to say they sucked it up and lost.

I also saw Rent. I enjoyed it but, like reading a book before seeing a movie, I was disappointed by the changes from the Broadway musical. I couldn't get used to lines that were spoken instead of sung like in the original and at times was all ready for a Dr. Suess-esque line to pop out. Fortunately, they would change words normally sung when spoken so they didn't rhyme too much, or the rhythm would be different than if sung. I also didn't really like the end. It was just kind of abrupt because a lot of stuff was taken out. But, I did smile at all the parts I smiled at when I saw the play and all in all enjoyed the film version. I think, if you haven't seen the play, the movie would be even better for you.

(I'm not much of a movie reviewer; I don't know anything about it. All I can ever really say is "good" or "awful". This one was good.)

This Guys This, This Guy That

I decided last week that my job has made me insane.

I discovered that lately, I've been giving genders to things. I don't mean boats or cars, I'm not walking around saying "Look at my Neon, she's a beaut." Rather, I am walking around saying "This guy looks comfortable" or "I'm going to eat this guy" when referring to a couch and a cheese, not necessarily in that order. Or I'll just go ahead and say "He's not as nice as he looks" which WOULD make sense, if it were something that might actually have a personality, e.g. the old crotchety man or the scary looking turtle.

So maybe it's not the long hours at work that have done me in, like I expected, but the solitude and working with ornerous lab-related objects. So I've been making a conscious effort this week not to sound crazy. At least not in this way....

Unfinished Sentence

Here's last week's winner of absolutely nothing!:

"I've got mummies in my tummy! Mmmm...."

My answer would have been leprechauns (hey, I think that was my answer one other week. I think I'm obsessed.)

Here's the new sentence:

"Rather than the movie Freddy v. Jason, it should have been Freddy v. ________"

Have fun!

The Right Place and Time

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEVIN!

Happy Thanksgiving!

How great is it that I got a Thanksgiving card from my dentist?

Does Cat Taste Like Chicken?

Last night I was taking a nice warm bath in celebration (?) of the first really cold day we've had when I heard some banging and clanging coming through the wall. It was coming from the direction of the kitchen and I figured it was Bad Cat messing around. But I had left the oven door propped open with a soup can after baking some biscuits and I thought maybe the cat had gotten in and the door shut behind him and that he was now stuck in the oven. So I went to investigate. I first saw the oven, which was as I had left it. Then I saw the cat on the counter, like the disobedient feline he is. Then I saw he had an empty tissue box stuck on his head (the clanging and banging was him backing into a cookie sheet on the drying rack trying to get the box off). Serves him right. Maybe now he won't get up there anymore for fear of the Attack Tissue Box. Maybe I should put empty boxes all over the place. But I wondered why he stuck his head in there in the first place? And isn't that what whiskers are for, to keep cats from sticking their heads/bodies into places they can't get out of?

Being a Jolly Happy Soul Didn't Save Him

Yesterday, as I was walking home, we had our first snowfall!

What's That, You Say? You Have Contagious Explosive Diarrhea?

Today we took a field trip over to the health department to get TB tests for work. After loudly asking why we were there, the nurse then said loudly to other people who worked there that we needed TB tests, and to go to the table to register for our TB tests and then to follow her into the back room for our TB tests.

Aren't medical things supposed to be kept relatively private?

All around us were people getting their flu shots (and therefore doing their best to speed along the SuperFlu, complete with own cape. I am anti-flu shot. Don't do it!). I wonder how many people there thought we were getting tested for TB because we had TB, not because we had to do it for work? How many people rushed out of there and quickly scrubbed the insides of their lungs?

If only I had thought to start coughing. If only.

Road Trippin'

Can it be considered a road trip if you don't have your two favorite allies or your snacks and supplies?

Doesn't matter. I was traveling this weekend to visit my friend Srah with Gladys, Lauren, Aretha and a bunch of random rockers (they were crammed in the back. The ladies took turns in front and switched out onto the bumpers when not riding shotgun).

I'm a speeder. I'll admit that. And when my speedometer doesn't work, I may speed even more, although I can usually judge how fast I'm going by the shaking of the car. I don't speed through residential or construction zones when there are workers. I'm considerate like that. And I may drive fast, but I drive safe. No weaving in and out of cars, no tail gating, etc.

I happened to be in a construction zone, in fact, and was trying to pass Grandpa in front of me. (In general, people here don't believe in a little thing called the left/passing/fast lane. Normally I won't pass on the right, but I did this time. Bad me!) When I see those radar things, it's actually kind of fun to see how fast they clock me at (boo preposition at the end!). It's like a game. But this time, it was just a sign. And, as I passed grandpa, going up a hill (my car doesn't like hills), the radar said to me (I heard it!) "YOU'RE SPEEDING! SLOW DOWN!". And I did. I don't know how fast I was going (oh, speedometer), but I wasn't meaning to be speeding. Apparently I'll obey some construction sign and not the actual law. Hopefully I never encounter another one of these signs, as it would seriously push back any ETA.

Wop wop.

Unfinished Sentence

I'm gonna pick this sentence as the winner:

"If only Scott Baio had gotten the role of Lois Lane, the world would be a better place." But it has to be the Teri Hatcher Lois Lane because I hate Teri Hatcher.

Anyone would be better in FEMA. And I don't think Scott could have done as good a job in the role of Frauline Maria, although it's fun to picture him in a nun-in-training habit.

This week's sentence:

"I've got ________ in my tummy. Mmmm!"

The Perfect Setting for a Horror Film

My walk home last night was very eerie. It was 8:30pm, so it was dark. There was no moon last night and cloudy so it was even darker than usual. Yesterday was a blustery day/night (as in Winnie Pooh and the). So no moon and warm November breeze. And when I got to the one intersection I cross, there was a car sitting at the light with it's fog lamps on and no one in it or around it. And, despite any traffic, it was very quiet.

It really did feel like a movie.

(Hey, does anyone remember that show Eerie Indiana? I never watched it but I just thought of it.)

Just a Word

I don't like the word buddy, I've decided. It's ok if one is talking about two animals (or two babies, I s'pose) who are hanging out together just chillin', especially if it's two unlikely friends, like a cat and dog or a hippopotomus and a donkey. It's fine to say they're buddies. I'm also ok with it if it follows "bathroom" or is followed by "check" and one is swimming at Girl Scout Camp. I do not like it as in "my buddy and me" (unless it's My Buddy with some capitalization). I once knew I kid who used the offending word all the time, rather than "friend" or "pally" or "pizza pie", even. And I always suspected he didn't really have any buddies because he was always at his mom's house.

There. I've spoken my piece.

May I Take Your Order?

Ever since I have had my cell phone number, I have also gotten many calls for a kitchen customizing company (and some kid named Eric, but that stopped pretty quickly). Sometimes I can go several months without any calls, but then there are times (like this week) when I get 6 calls in two days. Apparently, this kitchen place has given out the wrong number to everyone, because people have asked and they are dialing correctly. For a while, I tried to explain that I get a lot of calls for the kitchen place but now I just say "no, this is not the kitchen place" and offer no other assistance. I should tell them that if they ever do reach the kitchen place, tell them I said to print up some new business cards. I've even gotten calls from distributers saying they tried to deliver something but no one was there so they're going to charge extra to bring it back the next day.

This is not like my grandma's situation. My grandma will get calls from people who have misdialed the pizza place. There's even rumors that she's taken orders, although this could be another lie like the last one (see post below). When the people calling me find out they have dialed correctly, they tend not to believe me, insisting I am the kitchen company. I think taking orders would just encourage them.

Stories and Lies

When I was younger, if someone asked for something to be passed at the dinner table and you took some of it while it passed you, my dad would say "In the army, you'd be shot for that.".

This summer, I met this guy who is in the army. After a while, I asked him "So is it true that..." and repeated what my dad had said. He laughed and said, "I don't know if it's funnier that your dad used to tell you that or if it's funnier that you're asking."

My friend's dad once told her that if you get to a fourth degree blackbelt, you have to register your hands with the police. That way, if a crime is committed and someone has a blow to the head, they can tell who did it. It wasn't until she was 17 and asked a police officer about the hand registration process - do they make casts of your hands? - that she found out her dad too was lying.

It's amazing what stories (lies) adults tell us when we're little that stick with us. I didn't really believe they shot people in the army (they're volunteers!), but I had to ask because it was something I'd gone through life hearing. When I was teaching, there were occasions where I thought to myself, I could tell these kids anything and they'll believe me. And these were college kids. I might even have been able to get away with telling them about mealtime in the army. I at least could try to convince them that chimps do speak, they're just shy.

I wonder what lies I could tell my own kids one day?

Things About Music

Things I love:
Singing both parts in a duet, in two different octaves
Singing the musical interludes (such as in Oasis’ Champagne Supernova and Nancy Sinatra’s These Boots Are Made for Walking)
Laughing at myself when I try to rap

Things I hate:
Children singing
When people try to sing in the same voice, not just style, as the artists (and my duets don’t count. I’m not trying to be Peabo Bryson.)
People who can’t clap to a beat
Recorders (the flute kind, not the tape kind)

Rock the Vote

(That title is a little hypocritical because I didn't exactly vote this year. I DID request an absentee ballot but when it arrived I decided I wasn't going to spend $0.67 on postage to vote for the one position on library board, or whatever it was. I thought about sticking my ballot in a blue mailbox, just to see where it ended up being delivered. Would they return it to my absentee address or just send it on to the court house? Either way, someone was delivering it to somewhere in Michigan.)

Anyway, the other day a campaign ad came on TV telling me to vote no on issue 3. I'm not quite sure what the issues are because I vote out of state, but they tried to sell me on this by stating, and I quote, "The devil is in the details!"

Of course I cracked up. I laughed so loud that I bet the neighbors heard (we have thin walls, I'm sure they can hear me yelling at my cat all the time).

Who approved this ad? I guess it tells you where this country is and the total lack of respect for the separation of church and state. To talk about the devil in an ad not only aimed at voters but regarding some sort of political issue is pretty much saying they just don't care.

Unfinished Sentence

I guess last week I meant to use a different tense in the sentence. I was thinking along the lines of "The best candy filling would be ______", as in "The best candy filling would be lephrecauns".

So I'm going to declare the winner of this week me, with the above sentence (it's my game, I make up the rules).

This week's sentence:

"If only Scott Baio had gotten the part of ______ the world would be a better place."

The Height of Society

In college, I once wrote a paper that was based on a scene in Zola's Le ventre de Paris, where he compared a fish market to society. My paper did the same thing, only I used the grocery store. I talked about how, in the candy aisle, the bad candy (those bulk chocolate balls or GROSS strawberry things) are always wrapped/dressed in the fanciest papers to hide their nastiness. I also talked about the cereal aisle: the bags of cereal, the cheapest cereal, is always on the bottom shelf while the most expensive cereal (Blueberry Morning, mmm...) is on the top shelf.

Today I went grocery shopping and this analysis was totally thrown off.

I wanted to try the new Cheerios with the yogurt, both because it sounds good and sweet but also scary. Cheerios is, and always has been, a middle shelf item; it's more expensive than store brand and bags but cheaper than those tiny boxes of Cranberry Almond Crunch (mmm...). I'll get maybe two bowls out of this yogurt stuff (admittedly, I pour big bowls so I'm not exaggerating too much) and this costs almost twice what a big (not biggest) box of plain ol' Cheerios costs.

When did Cheerios decide they had to be all hoity-toity? Dude, I could buy even GOOD yogurt (Yoplait, mmm...), pour it on my cereal and still pay less and get a bigger box. (Although, I imagine it would make my cereal much soggier.) This cereal better be a well-dressed man with money and class (I'd take him home all the time).

Amore and Los Chicherones

Last night I saw Apollo's Fire, a musical ensemble that played Baroque Italian and Spanish songs. There were harpsicords, Spanish guitars, violins, castanets, lutes (one), elephants, bears and piccolos. No, no bears. No elephants either. Oh, and no piccolo. I just threw that in.

My favorite was the dancing man. He played the guitar but would occasionally put it down, walk up front and start doing Spanish dances, stomping around and kicking up his heels. He was cool. (He reminded me of my uncle somehow. I don't have a dancing uncle. At least that I know of. I think it was the hair and the walk.) It made me smile. It made me want some Spanish music in my house.

Anyone know a good Spanish music cd?

Insurance Assurance

I went to an informational meeting last night because they're changing our health insurance plans at work. They're trying to convince us that the new plans are better than my current one. Let me let you compare:

Plan A:
100% coverage for regular stuff ("approved services")
$10 co-pay
No annual deductible
No employee contribution
Primary care physician required
Referrals needed for specialists

Plan B:
Less than 100% coverage
$15 co-pay
Annual deductible
Employee contribution
No PCP required
Can go to a specialist whenever I want

I understand that things change and I'm probably pretty lucky not to have to pay anything. But their main excitement is that I now can go to a different doctor every time! I guess they're like ice cream or cookie flavors; try something new everytime you visit. Uh, personmally, I like knowing who I'm seeing. Maybe I just don't like meeting new people. Or maybe it's cause I don't like strangers poking me.

(Also at the meeting, the insurance companies gave out free promotional stuff. I find it ironic that they would give me chapstick made out of glass. Or maybe I should say appropriate.)

At 3 I Started Hebrew School, At 10 I Learned the Trade...

(I hear they've picked a bride for me. I hope - she's pretty.)

I forgot to regale you with my tales of Monday evening.

My family has this Halloween tradition. It has been occurring since the days of yore, when my brother and I would Trick-or-Treat in my grandma's neighborhood. Every year, we'd go seek out some candy around 6:30pm when the Neighbor Girl came over. For dinner, we'd eat goulash.

Every year.

Once we stopped treating at my grandma's, my mom would still make goulash. And any year I was unable to go back to my parents' house on Halloween, I'd make my own goulash.

Another tradition I have is watching One of the Halloween Movies. Any of them (except the third one), picked at random. When I was nine, my friend Cyndi and I first watched Halloween in her basement on her Beta. Her older brother scared us by throwing socks and earmuffs at us so we were unable to finish watching the movie until 4 years later. So watching a Halloween became something we do, even if we can't watch together and just watch the same one 200 miles apart.

Monday, I invited my friends over to celebrate these traditions with me.

It's Not March!

Occasionally, I like to go "on Lent". This means that times other than during Lent, I like to give up something. Usually, it's candy or shopping. In fact, I've been on Lent from shopping for two years now! Now that I have a job and actually have money after I pay the bills, I may be able to go off Lent soon! I can buy books again! And groceries!

Early in October, I decided I was going to have to go on Lent to get off candy. I had started a Candy Drawer at work, which turned out to be a baaaaaad idea. I picked Halloween as the day I would start, partly because it was The Day of Candy and partly because my teeth became sugar-free.

I very rarely have junk food at home but yesterday, I got rid off all the candy in my house (uh...but not by throwing it away or giving it to someone, unfortunately). So Lent was postponed two days. But I'm back on and, in the past, have done very well. I'm pretty good about going cold turkey.

This time's Lent will end on November 24th, The Day of Eating Everything.

Lips and Women

I was giving my mom an addendum to my Christmas list for this year today and told her to add "tool box" to the list, next to which I wrote "not too large, but I have a lot of loose tools".

Rather then read this as in "lots of tools lying around without something to go in" I read it as in "lots of tools sleeping around". I imagined my wrench and my hammer sneaking out at night to meet up with other, heathen tools.

I just hope they don't bring them back to my place.

That's Good Enough For Me

I received two boxes of cookies in the mail this week from Cheryl and Co. I can't decide which is my favorite:

- the chocolate cookie with chocolate chunks and mint frosting
- the sugar cookie with orange frosting
- the chocolate cookie with peppermint frosting
- the pumpkin cookie with cinnamin frosting

They're all so good!

I am limiting myself to one a day.

Forget the Dentist!

I just paid off the credit card! I just paid off the credit card! (sing it with me!). I just paid off the credit card...!