One Little Monkey

Monkey See Monkey Do Monkey

2006-01-11T18:55:00.000-05:00

My university did not have a mascot. Yes, we were the Wolverines, but we did not have anyone dressing like a wolverine, fan or otherwise. It's because we had class (I'm not making that up. That was the reason given by the university). There were no cows or oranges or big-headed leprechauns on our field. No-sir-ee. Mascot-less equals class-full.

However, I have found one exception.

When I came in to work on Sunday, I found, pinned to the bulletin board, The Amazing Live Sea-Monkeys (a kit, not an actual sea monkey. That'd be a bit morbid, don't you think?). "World's only instant pets!", it boasts. My boss had decided we needed a mascot. So I set about setting them up.

Man, sea monkeys are high maintenance! At least the set up is. I had to do this and let it sit for 24 hours. Then I had to do this for five days. In 3 and a half weeks, something happens (I think they mate?). I've never had sea monkeys (a neighbor friend did growing up, but really I think he just had the aquarium and his parents told him there were sea monkeys in it). They come in a little pouch and then - poof! - there they are. They really are insta. It's like magic. And I can purchase things like lamps and vitamins and CUPID POWDER! And the best thing about my sea monkeys in particular is they came with a Wrist Aquarium, so I can suck one up in the little sucker thing they gave me and take some home (but only for 72 hours).

One is the Lonliest Number

2006-01-11T18:49:00.000-05:00

In college, my roommates and I would play this fun game with a Herbert Hoover action figure (that's right). He would somehow move around the apartment. When not residing on top of the curtain rod looking out the window, we would find him in a kitchen drawer or hanging out in the shower. One of his favorite places to play was inside the freezer (unlike Punky Brewster who did NOT like it when she was in the freezer-refrigerator). Someone would open the door and he'd be chillin' in the back on a Bucket O' Margarita.

I can't play these games by myself. I'd always be disappointed when Herbert or whoever was where I left him.

What's the Matter With These Sizzors?

2006-01-10T14:05:00.000-05:00

The other day, I found, in my apartment, a pair of sissors I can not identify. I used them to cut something and then I stopped - where did these come from? I own two pairs of sissors, not three. And I couldn't even place them somewhere else - had I mistakenly stolen them from work or my parents' when I visited over the holidays? But I didn't unpack them with my other stuff. Did someone bring sissors to my house and then forget to take them home? Was someone in my home while I was away doing something with sissors and then forgot to take them with them (my brother once acquired some tools a thief left behind after breaking into his car and stealing his radio)? It's kinda creepy.

I just keep picturing myself sleep walking off somewhere, stabbing someone with their sissors, cleaning them off and then bringing them home.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2006-01-10T13:56:00.000-05:00

It was several months ago, of course, but today I was thinking about Halloween. This past Halloween, my sister, who is in 5th grade, went as a "gangsta rapper" (her words). She wore big baggy pants and lots of bling.

When I was in fourth grade, I also went as a musician. Only I was a punk rocker. I wore a pink spiky wig, bright blue leggings (leggings!), a pink mini-skirt and some sort of 80's-esque top (perhaps even off-the-shoulder).

It's interesting to see how, at about the same age, my sister and I chose essentially the same costume for Halloween. Except, because it is 17 years later, the current identifiable musicians differ. I suppose there was also a time when people may have dressed as a generic British invader. It would have been interesting if she had dressed as a punk rocker because I bet very few, if any, of her little friends would have had any idea what she was. They probably would have even struggled with identifying her as a throw-back of the 80's, let alone what from the 80's she was.

Like My Friends the Lemurs

2006-01-08T15:45:00.000-05:00

I think I've gone into torpor (like hibernation but I'm not sleeping). I think I at so much food the last couple of weeks (there were seriously 5 courses at both the rehearsal dinner and wedding reception, including a pasta course. I didn't even know pasta courses existed!). I'm not saying that I'm not eating because I ate too much and gained a bajillion pounds and blah blah blah. I haven't really been hungry for about a week. Nope, no rumbly in this tumbly. I eat because I know I have to, but I'm kind of off food. I don't think one should be off food.

I'm Back (Again)!

2006-01-08T15:35:00.000-05:00

Happy post holidays! I've been on a much-deserved vacation to - wait for it - the Metro Detroit area! I took two weeks off work because I had holidays, weddings and birthdays to celebrate. I was in a wedding on New Years Eve, which made for quite a party. Everything was fancy and I felt like a princess in my dress (not to steal the thunder from the bride, it really wasn't about me anyway). We had the bachelorette party earlier in the week then the rehearsal (so much food!) and then the wedding and reception (more food!). Of course the reception lasted over midnight and the DJ even had a little TV so we watched the last two minutes of Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve and we toasted with champagne and noise makers and bubbles (which were specifically requested to stay off the dance floor, lest the two couple married 51 years fall down). We then had an afterparty in the hotel. It was all quite an affair.

Because Everyone Else is Doing It

2005-12-20T15:51:00.000-05:00

In my dream last night, I was a crime fighter working alongside Jerry O'Connell. It wasn't like in his TV show; I wasn't an M.E. looking for clues. Jerry was a copper, but he was playing himself. I think we were trying to bust a drug ring. He had been talking to someone suspicious in a bar but didn't get anything out of him so he left. I thought he went to the bathroom, so I waited outside for him to come out. He never did, but I saw some woman get hauled down some dark hallway towards a boiler room or something dungeon-esque because she knew too much. I then figure out Jerry wasn't in the bathroom, so I went outside to go to the police station. Just then, Jerry came back. He sauntered over to me, I told him what was going on and he said the suspicious man said something that just wasn't right. Some of the drug guys came out and we hid under the stairs to the bar's entrance. Jerry pulled out his gun and I sat way back so he could shoot around me (I think I was a civilian helper and therefore didn't have one). I woke up right before the first shot would have been fired.

Ah, Jerry. You'll never guess my secret identity. Who's on the inside, looking out?

The Radio Music Awards

2005-12-20T15:45:00.000-05:00

I had the RMAs on last night while I was reading a For Fun book and here are some things I'd like to share:

1. In the hour and a half I watched, they seriously gave out about six awards. Which is fine, except the rest wasn't, of course, performances, there was also some stupid skits involving a Las Vegas Santa and reality show "winners".

2. The comeback that is Ricky Martin looked good...until he started to dance. It wasn't so much Shake Your Bon Bon as it was Shake Your Leg and Tilt Your Head As If You Just Got Out of the Pool and Have Water in Your Ear and Are Trying to Get it Out (did anyone else do that? Or was it some cruel thing my aunt told us to make us look ridiculous?). He just looked silly.

3. What was going on with Mariah Carey's breasts? Somehow, the gimungous things made her look mannish. I really couldn't figure it out. Ah, crazy Mariah.

It's Sounds Gross, But I Bet You're Curious!

2005-12-17T12:27:00.000-05:00

For the departmental Christmas party last night, I took some tasty treats that I liked to call Flattened Snowman Bits. These were really Minty Cheese Balls.

Minty Cheese Balls!?!? Yes, Minty Cheese Balls. I picked this treat solely based on the number of ingredients: 3. I had never made them before or even eaten one before. But really, it only meant I had to buy cream cheese and mint extract and it's the end (middle!) of the month of December and I have no money so that was good. I refused to try one before the party because 1) it would ruin the nice, even two dozen and 2) if they were disgusting, I would be obligated to buy something else. This way, I could feign ignorance.

So when I got to the party, before even setting them out, I made someone else eat one. And they were good! Someone even said they tasted like Junior Mints' minty center. I feel the presentation was lacking a bit (they need color; next time I'll use food coloring, colored sugar or even jimmies to roll them in), but I was happy that they were not only edible but tasty. Now I'm going to end up making the all over the place, they are my new specialty.

Given a Little More Thought...

2005-12-16T17:20:00.000-05:00

Related to yesterday's post, I do say things like "I can't wait for Dairy Queen on Tuesday." I guess I exaggerate only when food, not people, is involved.

Gross!

2005-12-16T17:19:00.000-05:00

The 10 second rule shouldn't be in affect in labs, right? Too bad, I ate the cookie anyway. (It's was a cookie!)

Updates

2005-12-16T15:36:00.000-05:00

One: The footwear my brother sent me was some Uggs. It was part of his Christmas present from his company. He kept the iPod and regifted the boots to me, saying they weren't quite his style. I don't know if they're my style either, as they don't match my closet. I've never really understood Uggs, but I put them on the other day and they kept my tootsies so warm! It'll really cut down on the electricity. And for those of you (like me) who have never gotten why you've seen people wearing them in the summer, I guess they originated as surfer-wear and, according to the booklet that came with the boots, they are meant to keep your feet at body temperature in the cold and the hot (although, does anyone really need to keep their feet at body temperature in the hot? Do feet get hotter than body temperature, like they get colder in the cold? And I like to wear no shoes in the summer. But whatever.). I've never really gone for fads or trends (the 80s don't count, although it was really only me and my best friend who pegged our pants. Stop laughing) and, at times, rebel just because everyone's doing it (which includes a certain wizard whose name rhymes with hairy.). I do appreciate them, it's a cool present. And it's kind of fun having something "high fashion". Until now, the fanciest thing I've owned was a clearance shirt from Banana Republic. And a pair of Levis. As an added bonus, the box they came in works perfectly for something I've been trying to ship for a week but couldn't find a box for.

Two: I received a mystery call today. The number came up as Unknown but there and there was no message. Perhaps it is the man who keeps calling? Except usually a number pops up. But that's exciting if he finally learned to listen.

He Must Live at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave

2005-12-15T13:13:00.000-05:00

Remember the calls for the customize kitchen place? Yeah, so now I keep getting one from some man from such a place calling on behalf of his clients so and so for some man that works at the kitchen place.

I've spoken with this man calling and explained that, yes, he is dialing correctly but, no, I am not that man he is trying to reach.

It hasn't stopped him. I get at least one voicemail a week with the same message (see above). So I changed my outgoing "greeting".

"Hi, you've reach xxx-xxx-xxxx. I am NOT (kitchen place). If you're calling for Cheryl, please leave a message. Thanks, bye." (that last part stated all sachharine sweet with only a hint, a hint of sarcasm.)

He called again yesterday. I thought maybe he was confused because I actually mentioned the company he's trying to call in in the message. Thus, my new message plays as follows:

"Hi, you've reach CHERYL. I do not custom-make anything. I do not know (man's name). If you're calling for CHERYL, please leave a message. Thanks, bye."

Somehow, I don't think it will work.

Unfinished Sentence

2005-12-15T12:52:00.000-05:00

I don't remember last week's and I don't want to look it up, so I declare David Bowie to be the winner.

This week's sentence:

"Monkey business would be even better if it also involved ____________."

So That You Are Not Kept In Suspense Any Longer (or Maybe in More Suspense)!

2005-12-15T12:51:00.000-05:00

I received footwear yesterday from my brother! That's all I'm going to say until I talk to him. I will tell you this: it was not a little elfin man as I had feared/hoped.

See November 9th

2005-12-15T12:39:00.000-05:00

We had our holiday brunch(eon?) yesterday at Job #1. It started at 11 and went until 1, but, because I normally work only until noon, I decided to wait until then. Also, entertainment was provided by the local elementary school choir and I was hoping to miss them. Additional "entertainment" was a carol lead by the Job #1 community (aka a sing-a-long for adults).

The school-wide lunches are usually hamburgers and paper plates with folding tables and include students. Yesterday was fancy with chicken and real plates and actual tables and students weren't invited (ha ha! Who's better than who now?). Around noon, I stopped by my boss' office, where he was eating lunch, knowing nothing about this event (the secretary went around telling everyone else who already knew, I don't know why she missed someone who didn't). So he came to lunch with me. Pickins' were slim since we were late (they put more food out as soon as we sat down), but we found stuff and I had pie. We chatted for a minute and then...out came the kids. Apparently coming an hour late was not late enough for I had to endure, er, enjoy, the children singing. They started singing and my boss and I both started giggling (not at them, mind you, but at the situation. I had earlier mentioned that I was not planning on staying for the festivities, which included the singing children and my boss agreed that he did not enjoy singing children, either). I guess we came JUST for the singing children.

(The second graders were okay, they were at least cute when they sang and danced to a boogying santa. The fourth graders were totally uninterested and were all about speeding up the song rather than keeping the tempo with the music and the music teacher couldn't control them.)

Two Pedestrians

2005-12-15T12:33:00.000-05:00

Yesterday on my walk to work, I was behind this girl with such horrible posture. And it wasn't that she was hunkered down against the cold (although, she was not wearing a hat, silly girl!), it was that she, apparently, was impersonating someone named Quasi. I really really wanted to go behind her, grab her shoulders and yank them straight. I think this was something my dad used to do and I think I have pretty good posture. Straight, but not so straight it looks as though I am wearing uncomfortable underwear.

On the walk home, I passed a girl on her phone who told the other person's voicemail that she couldn't wait to see them. I thought, how nice! But then I thought, I don't think I've ever told someone I couldn't wait to see them. I've been excited to see people, but I've never actually told someone that I absolutely was going to die or wet my pants because I couldn't contain myself until then. Maybe that makes me a bad friend (or maybe it makes me someone not prone to exaggerations - at least not those kinds. A gajillion billion trillion cookies in my freezer is another thing.)

Reasons Why I Haven't Posted

2005-12-15T12:28:00.000-05:00

- I've been working on my stats take-home exam. Man, I haven't spent all day on school work since April (and by all day, I mean on Sunday I started at 1:30, there was an hour phone call in there somewhere, and there was the occassional five minute nap)! It actually made me a little crazy, and I was marching around singing The Toy Soldier March to my cat. I don't even like the song!

- I've worked late all week so far because I wanted to get in my hours so I could attend all my holiday parties (4) this week. And, yes, that includes The O.C.'s Chistmakkah tonight.

Compliment or Offense?

2005-12-10T16:17:00.000-05:00

I love not being carded. I actually don't get carded much anymore; occasionally just at the grocery store. Last weekend at the club, we just walked right in. They may have just been trying to get women into the club and we didn't drink anything anyway but it still made me feel special. Kind of like if there were a velvet rope and we were able to pass through without waiting in a line that snaked around the corner. Last night buying wine at the grocery store, the head guy just punched in whatever date they punch into the register whenever they don't ask for ID.

Maybe in five years, I'll be like "do I really look like I'm over 30?!?" when I don't get carded but for now it's cool (At this point, I don't think I'll think that; I like having my birthday, mostly because it's an excuse for a party.). I'm glad I don't look 21. Or 12 (kids' menu please? Ha ha!)

All Finished With Two Weeks to Spare!

2005-12-10T11:44:00.000-05:00

I just finished the last of my Christmas shopping! And, at the beginning of my shopping season, I got out a bunch of cash and said if I ran out, too bad for anyone who didn't have a present. But I still have $11 dollars left, which will be nice for shipping one gift out.

Happy Pie Day!!!!

2005-12-09T08:31:00.000-05:00

Six years ago, my roommates and I created a little thing we call Pie Day. It was completely spontaneous at the time. Everyone was all of a sudden in the mood for pie so they drove to the store to get some - making up new lyrics to Fat Boy Slim and BSB songs to contain the word pie - and came home with three pies. It has since lead to a a yearly event that is somewhat national (because we're now in many parts of the country). In college, we would have pie parties and invite a bunch of people over for a variety of pies.

Pie can be any pie. Pumpkin Pie, apple pie, pizza pie. But don't be fooled by that cheesecake - it only looks like pie but you can clearly see that it contains the word CAKE. Tonight I'm going to my friend's house and we're going to watch movies and eat pie.

We have since learned that there is a National Pie Day on January 23rd (which, not coincidentally, is the date for my pretend wedding, if my betrothed ever responds to my email). While it would be nicer if the dates were a little spread out, we still celebrate our own Pie Day and actually with more vigor and enthusiasm than National Pie Day.

So go get some pie (even a Hostess individual pie) and celebrate with us!

In All Seriousness...

2005-12-09T08:23:00.000-05:00

I love my winter hat (but no, not enough to marry it). It's wool and it's warm and it covers my ears. And it has ears. I don't mean ear flaps. Nor do I mean pictures of ears knitted on it. I mean it has two pieces of extra fabric on the top meant to look like bear ears.

I'm sure it attracts some glances but it's so warm. I wear it confidently and pretend like nothing's strange.

I am not all about being serious. What's the point? I am completely grown-up when I need to be. In a professional setting or when something important is going on, I am easily an adult. But when it's just me? Or me and friends? There's no need to carry a somber looking face or to not laugh. I once read that laughing from the belly for 15 minutes a day burns, like, a bajillion calories. Not that I care about that. But isn't that another good reason to not be serious? I have a friend who makes fun of me because I have told him he needs to just get into a snowball fight. Just because you're 30 - or 50 or 90 (well, maybe not 90) - doesn't mean you can't go sledding with the kids.

The Nicest Site on Earth

2005-12-09T08:18:00.000-05:00

The other day I ordered something from this website that was just so polite (I'm not gonna tell you what site because it was a gift and the receiver might be able to figure it out, although I don't think they read this anyway...). My confirmation email said that they'd like to thank me again. The shipping email wished me a good evening and thanked me a third time. And it's not a needy thanks or an obligatory thanks like from anywhere else; I can tell it's heartfelt. Too bad it's a specialty store and I'll probably never shop there again. I may have to begin tailoring my interests just to them...although that might be hard because it was a gender-specific site of which I am not.

One Down!

2005-12-08T19:23:00.000-05:00

Today was my last day of class! Only two months until I can be normal busy instead of busy busy!

Things That Sound the Same

2005-12-06T11:20:00.000-05:00

- Bear and bare
- Baby dolls and car horns
- P.O.D. songs (in one, there's even a line "When will we sing a new song?")

Unfinished Sentence

2005-12-06T10:03:00.000-05:00

Last week's sentence winner was Srah with:

"The wheels on the bus go poop."

Not the best answer, but...

Here's this week's sentence:

"All I want for (fill in the holiday) is _____________."

Phone Etiquette

2005-12-06T09:38:00.000-05:00

So the phone just rang and I answered it with a (professional) hello and received "yes." as a response. And nothing else. So I said hello again, this time with two question marks and got "yes." again. I finally asked "Can I help you?" and there was some confusion on both my part and the woman's part. Turns out she had been transferred but someone had misdialed the last number. I looked up the right number for her and she was on her way.

Who response with "yes."? AND NOTHING ELSE? Never once did she explain why she called me. I didn't call her, I don't know what's going on. At first, I actually thought it was a child who called. Who taught this woman how the phone works? Am I psychic and just don't know it? (I guess I'm not a very good psychic, then.)

The Backward State In Which I Live

2005-12-05T19:38:00.000-05:00

So there's this man running for governor of the state named Jim. He's got this little ad campaign going that, the first time I saw it, made me think it was for The Jesus Christ Church of Latter Day Saints or whatever. He gets on the T.V. and talks about how he and his wife Linda or Nancy or whatever her name is like to worship. So come worship with them. They're "anti-pro choice" and think "a marriage between a man and a woman..." blah blah blah. So join them for worship.

WHAT?!? How is this at all politics? Yes, these are issues that have become political, but they shouldn't be. Why is it anyone else's business what anyone else does? Sadly, Jim has a a good chance of winning because the current governor sucks and I live in the land of crazies where everyone is all podunk and backwards. And if he won, we no longer would be better than Kansas. And forget any of us scientists having a job because he'll probably change the law to make it say science doesn't exist and everything, including him standing on the ground rather than floating, is a miracle and anyone who floats is a witch that needs to get sucked into outeraspace anyway. Because they're not good people and won't worship with him.

Whatever, dude. You make me mad.

Boo On My Excellent Circadian Rhythms!

2005-12-05T19:32:00.000-05:00

During undergrad, I worked in a lab that studied our daily inner clocks. I was the poster child for that lab; my advisor liked that I went to bed at the same time and was up at the same time everyday. And my nap time always came at 3:30 (peak nap time is 2-4).

Since I have been working, I can't sleep past nine anymore (which I guess is something, since I'm up at 7 during the week). Unfortunately, this is true even when I don't get to bed until, say, after 4 like I did both Friday and Saturday nights. Sometimes I'm up because the cat likes to throw himself against my bedroom door but this weekend, he was surprisingly quiet (I'm not quite sure why. I thinking pulling ornaments off my Christmas tree was keeping him occupied). But there I was, up at 9:15 anyway. Sigh. I guess it did give me a chance to get my oil changed and to go to work. Hooray.

My Friend the DJ

2005-12-05T19:23:00.000-05:00

This past Saturday, me and two other girls went dancing in Cleveland. At one point we were dancing all happily to some song or other when the song changed. And I watched everyone stop dancing. I think it was Lenny Kravitz. Can't really dance to him. We were in the corner by the DJ booth, so I had a view of the floor and really, everyone was just standing there. I looked over at the DJ to see if he was going to do anything about the lack of dancing at the dance club. But the song kept playing. He then caught my eye and asked me to come over and then asked what song would make us start dancing again. Unfortunately, all I could think of was Nelly (cause I love me some Nelly), which he'd just played. So I passed it on the my friend who picked some equally undancable song but she liked it.

It made me feel special (like Marcia Brady). I like to think I have an in with that DJ. Next time, though, I'll have to be prepared. I'm thinkin' some Luda.

(After dancing, it took us an hour and a half to get home because of the snowstorm that happened while we were in the club. But we made it.)

Here's A Question...

2005-12-02T16:27:00.000-05:00

If one is to shop for low rider pants, which therefore have no waist, are they still sized by the (non-existent) waist or are they now sized by the hip?

It's Like Wear No Pants

2005-12-02T16:24:00.000-05:00

Yesterday for Job #1 I had to don some scrubs. I've never worn scrubs before. They are the most comfortable things ever! I felt like I was pants-less. It was great,

(Apparently, the med students also like the scrubs, but I think they were them because of the "prestige" rather than the comfort, like they do their White Coats.)

I've Got Shoes! They're Multiplyin'

2005-12-02T16:18:00.000-05:00

My brother works for a big company that will occasionally have employee only sales of some really nice, though slightly used, clothes for really cheap. I like to joke with him and make sure he knows what size I wear, particularly on my feet.

The other day, I got this email from him with the subject line "What size shoe do you wear?" and "And what's your address?" as the only body of the email. I've very curious. Is my brother generous enough to send me shoes AND get me a Christmas present? I figure he's either:

a) really sending me shoes!
b) sending me a catalog/cobbler who only offers shoes to fit my feet
c) sending me a pair of 50 cent shoes he found on the street (why is he paying 50 cents for shoes he found on the street?)

Still...I'll take a) or b) please.

Unfinished Sentence

2005-11-29T16:06:00.000-05:00

Last week's winner is Srah, by default, with:

"Instead of Freddy v. Jason, it should have been Freddy v. a big jar of jam!"

Not leprechaun? Like Lucky, perhaps?

This week's sentence:

"The wheels on the bus go _______."

If I get more answers (from different people), Srah wouldn't win all the time!

The Wheels On My Bus

2005-11-29T15:45:00.000-05:00

Today I spent the morning sitting at the mechanics.

Last night I got home from work and was about to head to work when I saw that I had a flat tire. I mean flat. This intrigued me because the night before I had just driven three hours and had had no problem with the tires. I couldn't see what was wrong with it and therefore couldn't just go get some fix-a-flat or whatever. So I set to jacking the car up and changing the tire. Apparently, in addition to needing men to open doors for me (chivalry isn't dead!) I also need them to unscrew some bolts because it took three of us. I asked some random guy who doesn't live at my apartment but had the misfortune of being the first person I saw unscrew the bolts. I guess that snowball I ran over coming into my parking lot the night before wasn't really a snowball, or else some sort of malicious snowball, because the gouge in my tire was too big to have driven on further than two feet.

I blame my dad. Somehow he sabotaged me. I say this because just the other day, after driving each others' cars, he was complaining to me about my tires while I was complaining to him about his alignment. I explained to him that the front tires were new and the back were not as used on my front-wheel drive car. He explained to me that my problem with his car was operator error (although how I could have not crashed into trees and cars with the steering wheel off by 45 degrees if it were really operator error, I know not). Somehow my dad got an ice ball to wait for me in my parking lot. (Lately, I've devised all kinds of conspiracy theories. One involved a couple of "world leaders", or morons, the other a certain situation involving the "retirement" of some judges. I'm not going to say anything else because I don't want the government to go all Mel Gibson on me. Well, I guess I'd go all Mel Gibson on them.)

Happy Post Thanksgiving Post!

2005-11-29T12:56:00.000-05:00

Ah, it was nice having four whole days in a row off from work instead of one in a row. But, alas, I'm back at work yesterday.

So what did I do over break? I ate and ate and ate. I went out to eat twice and to turkey dinners twice. I saw a Michigan hockey game, who played just like the Michigan football team, which is to say they sucked it up and lost.

I also saw Rent. I enjoyed it but, like reading a book before seeing a movie, I was disappointed by the changes from the Broadway musical. I couldn't get used to lines that were spoken instead of sung like in the original and at times was all ready for a Dr. Suess-esque line to pop out. Fortunately, they would change words normally sung when spoken so they didn't rhyme too much, or the rhythm would be different than if sung. I also didn't really like the end. It was just kind of abrupt because a lot of stuff was taken out. But, I did smile at all the parts I smiled at when I saw the play and all in all enjoyed the film version. I think, if you haven't seen the play, the movie would be even better for you.

(I'm not much of a movie reviewer; I don't know anything about it. All I can ever really say is "good" or "awful". This one was good.)

This Guys This, This Guy That

2005-11-22T12:00:00.000-05:00

I decided last week that my job has made me insane.

I discovered that lately, I've been giving genders to things. I don't mean boats or cars, I'm not walking around saying "Look at my Neon, she's a beaut." Rather, I am walking around saying "This guy looks comfortable" or "I'm going to eat this guy" when referring to a couch and a cheese, not necessarily in that order. Or I'll just go ahead and say "He's not as nice as he looks" which WOULD make sense, if it were something that might actually have a personality, e.g. the old crotchety man or the scary looking turtle.

So maybe it's not the long hours at work that have done me in, like I expected, but the solitude and working with ornerous lab-related objects. So I've been making a conscious effort this week not to sound crazy. At least not in this way....

Unfinished Sentence

2005-11-22T11:48:00.001-05:00

Here's last week's winner of absolutely nothing!:

"I've got mummies in my tummy! Mmmm...."

My answer would have been leprechauns (hey, I think that was my answer one other week. I think I'm obsessed.)

Here's the new sentence:

"Rather than the movie Freddy v. Jason, it should have been Freddy v. ________"

Have fun!

The Right Place and Time

2005-11-22T11:48:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEVIN!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2005-11-20T19:26:00.000-05:00

How great is it that I got a Thanksgiving card from my dentist?

Does Cat Taste Like Chicken?

2005-11-18T11:00:00.000-05:00

Last night I was taking a nice warm bath in celebration (?) of the first really cold day we've had when I heard some banging and clanging coming through the wall. It was coming from the direction of the kitchen and I figured it was Bad Cat messing around. But I had left the oven door propped open with a soup can after baking some biscuits and I thought maybe the cat had gotten in and the door shut behind him and that he was now stuck in the oven. So I went to investigate. I first saw the oven, which was as I had left it. Then I saw the cat on the counter, like the disobedient feline he is. Then I saw he had an empty tissue box stuck on his head (the clanging and banging was him backing into a cookie sheet on the drying rack trying to get the box off). Serves him right. Maybe now he won't get up there anymore for fear of the Attack Tissue Box. Maybe I should put empty boxes all over the place. But I wondered why he stuck his head in there in the first place? And isn't that what whiskers are for, to keep cats from sticking their heads/bodies into places they can't get out of?

Being a Jolly Happy Soul Didn't Save Him

2005-11-17T11:08:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, as I was walking home, we had our first snowfall!

What's That, You Say? You Have Contagious Explosive Diarrhea?

2005-11-16T16:53:00.000-05:00

Today we took a field trip over to the health department to get TB tests for work. After loudly asking why we were there, the nurse then said loudly to other people who worked there that we needed TB tests, and to go to the table to register for our TB tests and then to follow her into the back room for our TB tests.

Aren't medical things supposed to be kept relatively private?

All around us were people getting their flu shots (and therefore doing their best to speed along the SuperFlu, complete with own cape. I am anti-flu shot. Don't do it!). I wonder how many people there thought we were getting tested for TB because we had TB, not because we had to do it for work? How many people rushed out of there and quickly scrubbed the insides of their lungs?

If only I had thought to start coughing. If only.

Road Trippin'

2005-11-15T12:43:00.000-05:00

Can it be considered a road trip if you don't have your two favorite allies or your snacks and supplies?

Doesn't matter. I was traveling this weekend to visit my friend Srah with Gladys, Lauren, Aretha and a bunch of random rockers (they were crammed in the back. The ladies took turns in front and switched out onto the bumpers when not riding shotgun).

I'm a speeder. I'll admit that. And when my speedometer doesn't work, I may speed even more, although I can usually judge how fast I'm going by the shaking of the car. I don't speed through residential or construction zones when there are workers. I'm considerate like that. And I may drive fast, but I drive safe. No weaving in and out of cars, no tail gating, etc.

I happened to be in a construction zone, in fact, and was trying to pass Grandpa in front of me. (In general, people here don't believe in a little thing called the left/passing/fast lane. Normally I won't pass on the right, but I did this time. Bad me!) When I see those radar things, it's actually kind of fun to see how fast they clock me at (boo preposition at the end!). It's like a game. But this time, it was just a sign. And, as I passed grandpa, going up a hill (my car doesn't like hills), the radar said to me (I heard it!) "YOU'RE SPEEDING! SLOW DOWN!". And I did. I don't know how fast I was going (oh, speedometer), but I wasn't meaning to be speeding. Apparently I'll obey some construction sign and not the actual law. Hopefully I never encounter another one of these signs, as it would seriously push back any ETA.

Wop wop.

Unfinished Sentence

2005-11-15T12:40:00.000-05:00

I'm gonna pick this sentence as the winner:

"If only Scott Baio had gotten the role of Lois Lane, the world would be a better place." But it has to be the Teri Hatcher Lois Lane because I hate Teri Hatcher.

Anyone would be better in FEMA. And I don't think Scott could have done as good a job in the role of Frauline Maria, although it's fun to picture him in a nun-in-training habit.

This week's sentence:

"I've got ________ in my tummy. Mmmm!"

The Perfect Setting for a Horror Film

2005-11-10T11:42:00.000-05:00

My walk home last night was very eerie. It was 8:30pm, so it was dark. There was no moon last night and cloudy so it was even darker than usual. Yesterday was a blustery day/night (as in Winnie Pooh and the). So no moon and warm November breeze. And when I got to the one intersection I cross, there was a car sitting at the light with it's fog lamps on and no one in it or around it. And, despite any traffic, it was very quiet.

It really did feel like a movie.

(Hey, does anyone remember that show Eerie Indiana? I never watched it but I just thought of it.)

Just a Word

2005-11-09T20:04:00.000-05:00

I don't like the word buddy, I've decided. It's ok if one is talking about two animals (or two babies, I s'pose) who are hanging out together just chillin', especially if it's two unlikely friends, like a cat and dog or a hippopotomus and a donkey. It's fine to say they're buddies. I'm also ok with it if it follows "bathroom" or is followed by "check" and one is swimming at Girl Scout Camp. I do not like it as in "my buddy and me" (unless it's My Buddy with some capitalization). I once knew I kid who used the offending word all the time, rather than "friend" or "pally" or "pizza pie", even. And I always suspected he didn't really have any buddies because he was always at his mom's house.

There. I've spoken my piece.

May I Take Your Order?

2005-11-09T17:13:00.000-05:00

Ever since I have had my cell phone number, I have also gotten many calls for a kitchen customizing company (and some kid named Eric, but that stopped pretty quickly). Sometimes I can go several months without any calls, but then there are times (like this week) when I get 6 calls in two days. Apparently, this kitchen place has given out the wrong number to everyone, because people have asked and they are dialing correctly. For a while, I tried to explain that I get a lot of calls for the kitchen place but now I just say "no, this is not the kitchen place" and offer no other assistance. I should tell them that if they ever do reach the kitchen place, tell them I said to print up some new business cards. I've even gotten calls from distributers saying they tried to deliver something but no one was there so they're going to charge extra to bring it back the next day.

This is not like my grandma's situation. My grandma will get calls from people who have misdialed the pizza place. There's even rumors that she's taken orders, although this could be another lie like the last one (see post below). When the people calling me find out they have dialed correctly, they tend not to believe me, insisting I am the kitchen company. I think taking orders would just encourage them.

Stories and Lies

2005-11-09T17:00:00.000-05:00

When I was younger, if someone asked for something to be passed at the dinner table and you took some of it while it passed you, my dad would say "In the army, you'd be shot for that.".

This summer, I met this guy who is in the army. After a while, I asked him "So is it true that..." and repeated what my dad had said. He laughed and said, "I don't know if it's funnier that your dad used to tell you that or if it's funnier that you're asking."

My friend's dad once told her that if you get to a fourth degree blackbelt, you have to register your hands with the police. That way, if a crime is committed and someone has a blow to the head, they can tell who did it. It wasn't until she was 17 and asked a police officer about the hand registration process - do they make casts of your hands? - that she found out her dad too was lying.

It's amazing what stories (lies) adults tell us when we're little that stick with us. I didn't really believe they shot people in the army (they're volunteers!), but I had to ask because it was something I'd gone through life hearing. When I was teaching, there were occasions where I thought to myself, I could tell these kids anything and they'll believe me. And these were college kids. I might even have been able to get away with telling them about mealtime in the army. I at least could try to convince them that chimps do speak, they're just shy.

I wonder what lies I could tell my own kids one day?

Things About Music

2005-11-09T16:59:00.000-05:00

Things I love:
Singing both parts in a duet, in two different octaves
Singing the musical interludes (such as in Oasis’ Champagne Supernova and Nancy Sinatra’s These Boots Are Made for Walking)
Laughing at myself when I try to rap

Things I hate:
Children singing
When people try to sing in the same voice, not just style, as the artists (and my duets don’t count. I’m not trying to be Peabo Bryson.)
People who can’t clap to a beat
Recorders (the flute kind, not the tape kind)

Rock the Vote

2005-11-08T12:12:00.000-05:00

(That title is a little hypocritical because I didn't exactly vote this year. I DID request an absentee ballot but when it arrived I decided I wasn't going to spend $0.67 on postage to vote for the one position on library board, or whatever it was. I thought about sticking my ballot in a blue mailbox, just to see where it ended up being delivered. Would they return it to my absentee address or just send it on to the court house? Either way, someone was delivering it to somewhere in Michigan.)

Anyway, the other day a campaign ad came on TV telling me to vote no on issue 3. I'm not quite sure what the issues are because I vote out of state, but they tried to sell me on this by stating, and I quote, "The devil is in the details!"

Of course I cracked up. I laughed so loud that I bet the neighbors heard (we have thin walls, I'm sure they can hear me yelling at my cat all the time).

Who approved this ad? I guess it tells you where this country is and the total lack of respect for the separation of church and state. To talk about the devil in an ad not only aimed at voters but regarding some sort of political issue is pretty much saying they just don't care.

Unfinished Sentence

2005-11-08T12:08:00.000-05:00

I guess last week I meant to use a different tense in the sentence. I was thinking along the lines of "The best candy filling would be ______", as in "The best candy filling would be lephrecauns".

So I'm going to declare the winner of this week me, with the above sentence (it's my game, I make up the rules).

This week's sentence:

"If only Scott Baio had gotten the part of ______ the world would be a better place."

The Height of Society

2005-11-06T17:18:00.000-05:00

In college, I once wrote a paper that was based on a scene in Zola's Le ventre de Paris, where he compared a fish market to society. My paper did the same thing, only I used the grocery store. I talked about how, in the candy aisle, the bad candy (those bulk chocolate balls or GROSS strawberry things) are always wrapped/dressed in the fanciest papers to hide their nastiness. I also talked about the cereal aisle: the bags of cereal, the cheapest cereal, is always on the bottom shelf while the most expensive cereal (Blueberry Morning, mmm...) is on the top shelf.

Today I went grocery shopping and this analysis was totally thrown off.

I wanted to try the new Cheerios with the yogurt, both because it sounds good and sweet but also scary. Cheerios is, and always has been, a middle shelf item; it's more expensive than store brand and bags but cheaper than those tiny boxes of Cranberry Almond Crunch (mmm...). I'll get maybe two bowls out of this yogurt stuff (admittedly, I pour big bowls so I'm not exaggerating too much) and this costs almost twice what a big (not biggest) box of plain ol' Cheerios costs.

When did Cheerios decide they had to be all hoity-toity? Dude, I could buy even GOOD yogurt (Yoplait, mmm...), pour it on my cereal and still pay less and get a bigger box. (Although, I imagine it would make my cereal much soggier.) This cereal better be a well-dressed man with money and class (I'd take him home all the time).

Amore and Los Chicherones

2005-11-04T19:28:00.000-05:00

Last night I saw Apollo's Fire, a musical ensemble that played Baroque Italian and Spanish songs. There were harpsicords, Spanish guitars, violins, castanets, lutes (one), elephants, bears and piccolos. No, no bears. No elephants either. Oh, and no piccolo. I just threw that in.

My favorite was the dancing man. He played the guitar but would occasionally put it down, walk up front and start doing Spanish dances, stomping around and kicking up his heels. He was cool. (He reminded me of my uncle somehow. I don't have a dancing uncle. At least that I know of. I think it was the hair and the walk.) It made me smile. It made me want some Spanish music in my house.

Anyone know a good Spanish music cd?

Insurance Assurance

2005-11-04T19:18:00.000-05:00

I went to an informational meeting last night because they're changing our health insurance plans at work. They're trying to convince us that the new plans are better than my current one. Let me let you compare:

Plan A:
100% coverage for regular stuff ("approved services")
$10 co-pay
No annual deductible
No employee contribution
Primary care physician required
Referrals needed for specialists

Plan B:
Less than 100% coverage
$15 co-pay
Annual deductible
Employee contribution
No PCP required
Can go to a specialist whenever I want

I understand that things change and I'm probably pretty lucky not to have to pay anything. But their main excitement is that I now can go to a different doctor every time! I guess they're like ice cream or cookie flavors; try something new everytime you visit. Uh, personmally, I like knowing who I'm seeing. Maybe I just don't like meeting new people. Or maybe it's cause I don't like strangers poking me.

(Also at the meeting, the insurance companies gave out free promotional stuff. I find it ironic that they would give me chapstick made out of glass. Or maybe I should say appropriate.)

At 3 I Started Hebrew School, At 10 I Learned the Trade...

2005-11-03T11:44:00.000-05:00

(I hear they've picked a bride for me. I hope - she's pretty.)

I forgot to regale you with my tales of Monday evening.

My family has this Halloween tradition. It has been occurring since the days of yore, when my brother and I would Trick-or-Treat in my grandma's neighborhood. Every year, we'd go seek out some candy around 6:30pm when the Neighbor Girl came over. For dinner, we'd eat goulash.

Every year.

Once we stopped treating at my grandma's, my mom would still make goulash. And any year I was unable to go back to my parents' house on Halloween, I'd make my own goulash.

Another tradition I have is watching One of the Halloween Movies. Any of them (except the third one), picked at random. When I was nine, my friend Cyndi and I first watched Halloween in her basement on her Beta. Her older brother scared us by throwing socks and earmuffs at us so we were unable to finish watching the movie until 4 years later. So watching a Halloween became something we do, even if we can't watch together and just watch the same one 200 miles apart.

Monday, I invited my friends over to celebrate these traditions with me.

It's Not March!

2005-11-03T11:30:00.000-05:00

Occasionally, I like to go "on Lent". This means that times other than during Lent, I like to give up something. Usually, it's candy or shopping. In fact, I've been on Lent from shopping for two years now! Now that I have a job and actually have money after I pay the bills, I may be able to go off Lent soon! I can buy books again! And groceries!

Early in October, I decided I was going to have to go on Lent to get off candy. I had started a Candy Drawer at work, which turned out to be a baaaaaad idea. I picked Halloween as the day I would start, partly because it was The Day of Candy and partly because my teeth became sugar-free.

I very rarely have junk food at home but yesterday, I got rid off all the candy in my house (uh...but not by throwing it away or giving it to someone, unfortunately). So Lent was postponed two days. But I'm back on and, in the past, have done very well. I'm pretty good about going cold turkey.

This time's Lent will end on November 24th, The Day of Eating Everything.

Lips and Women

2005-11-02T19:18:00.000-05:00

I was giving my mom an addendum to my Christmas list for this year today and told her to add "tool box" to the list, next to which I wrote "not too large, but I have a lot of loose tools".

Rather then read this as in "lots of tools lying around without something to go in" I read it as in "lots of tools sleeping around". I imagined my wrench and my hammer sneaking out at night to meet up with other, heathen tools.

I just hope they don't bring them back to my place.

That's Good Enough For Me

2005-11-02T19:14:00.000-05:00

I received two boxes of cookies in the mail this week from Cheryl and Co. I can't decide which is my favorite:

- the chocolate cookie with chocolate chunks and mint frosting
- the sugar cookie with orange frosting
- the chocolate cookie with peppermint frosting
- the pumpkin cookie with cinnamin frosting

They're all so good!

I am limiting myself to one a day.

Forget the Dentist!

2005-11-02T15:43:00.000-05:00

I just paid off the credit card! I just paid off the credit card! (sing it with me!). I just paid off the credit card...!

The Little Things

2005-10-31T15:56:00.000-05:00

I had a dentist appointment today for the first time since before graduate school and boy are my teeth clean! I've always like the dentist but couldn't afford insurance/cleanings as an underpaid student. It was an exciting day for me, and may be the most exciting thing this week (not because my weeks are boring but because it was that exciting)!

Unifinished Sentence

2005-10-31T15:54:00.000-05:00

There is no winner from last week because the sentence was boring and the one answer was boring. So there.

Here's a new sentence. It's a Halloween special!

"The best candy filling is _______"

Ghosts and Goblins...and Ladies of the Night?

2005-10-30T10:56:00.000-05:00

Every year the weekend before Halloween, my city has this thing where everyone dresses up and goes to bars and wanders the downtown (all four blocks of it). Last night as I was coming home from my dinner party, I got to drive through all the festivities and look at all the costumes. And I noticed a lot of the girls wearing costumes involving garters and ruffled underwear. (And I'm not being prudish, I have a costume that I call my Slutty Cowgirl costume because it involves a short skirt and halter, but apparently if it actually covers any part of your body it's too modest. And after being what my friends termed a "whore" last year - I was a cigarette girl from the 20s but had forgotton all my accessories - I went as Smurfette this year.)

One particularly girl standing on a corner was dressed as an "angel" (from the Victoria's Secret Angel collection, maybe?). She was a bigger girl and didn't quite fit into her costume of thigh-highs and garters and wings. So I was musing about her costume selection when I got to witness a very unladylike act of adjusting the bottom half of her obviously too small costume (i.e. removing it from uncomfortable places).

Maybe next time she'll put a little more thought into it.

Small Town Life

2005-10-30T10:16:00.000-05:00

Small towns are weird. Back in my day (here I go again!) we went Trick-or-Treating on Halloween AND at night. It's like I'm in E.T. (and I don't mean to use that as in these people are from another planet but because in the movie they went Trick-or-Treating in the daylight). Here, and in all the cities around here, they have designated days and times for seeking out candy. The next town over is even different in day and time. These are small towns, and I bet everyone in a particular neighborhood at least knows everyone else; it's not like it's dangerous.

I guess it gives kids lots of opportunities to score some candy

Hobbies

2005-10-30T09:42:00.000-05:00

So today I went to two parties. A luncheon and a dinner.

The biggest problem being the luncheon started at 3 and the dinner was at 6:30.

What did I do, you ask? Did I eat at just one? Did I eat just a little at each? Of course not, you silly crazy person!

I ate heartily at both. Hot dogs. Hamburgers. Snacks. Pepsi. Steak tips and chicken in marinade. Pumpkin cheesecake. Mmmm........

Recently, I was asked if I wanted to be featured as a New Face in our employee newsletter. I do, I like people reading about me (ok, that time I do mean that egotistically, unlike the proceeding gremlins comment). So I filled out the form.

The last question was about hobbies. I really really really wanted to put eating down.

Is eating a hobby? Can it be a hobby? I'm by no means a food critic or connoisseur. And really, I'll eat anything (except for many of the vegetables. I'm bad like that.). A friend suggested I put baking or cooking or going to restaurants. Nope, that's not it even, although I do enjoy those things. I don't do them enough that they could be considered a hobby.

Every day should be Thanksgiving.

Two Points

2005-10-29T08:17:00.000-04:00

I hit a possum last night on my way home. This is the first time I've ever hit an animal in all my years of driving. I've even stopped for frogs that have hopped into my way.

I think his buddies must have been standing in the shadows, daring him to go, because it's a dark and empty back road and he could have had many opportunities to cross prior to my appearance on the scene. He just kind of showed up, as if he'd been pushed into the road.

My first reaction when I saw it was not to swerve and try to miss it. I know well enough that that can just lead to more or worse accidents and to just go ahead and hit it. My first reaction was instead to hit the horn.

The horn, you say? Apparently, I didn't think the thing saw me, what with the bright lights and the barrelling down on it. I guess I thought it would hear the horn and leap out of my way, the way possums do. In a kind of Michigan J. Frog way, with a dancing shuffle.

Up Hill Both Ways

2005-10-28T22:11:00.000-04:00

I know we all have those days where something makes us feel old. Like the time I went to the MUSEUM and they had a display of Christmases past and they had all my toys from the 80's under glass. AT THE MUSEUM. Or at my brother's high school graduation where the principle's speech was all about E.T., a movie that came out years before those kids were even born.

Yesterday while listening to the radio, Marilyn Manson's version of Personal Jesus (which is surpringly good) came on. Afterward the DJ (remember, I listen to a radio station out of a high school) tells us it was a cover of Depeche Mode's song and "...you've probably never heard of Depeche Mode but say it with me...De-peche Mode."

Nooooooooo! That's not even 20 years ago! Soon I'll be my DAD!

"...across glass, barefoot..."

It's On the Wing of the Plane

2005-10-28T21:23:00.000-04:00

So on my walk home today from work some kid tried to pick me up. This didn't surprise me because it happens all the time to and from work (and I'm not saying this to brag or in an egotistical way, it's the truth. Unless they're really honking and yelling unintelligible things because there's a gremlin or something attaching itself to my back or pant leg).

Normally, this irritate me. I mean, what? am I supposed to now be attracted to you? Please, let me run right over and hop in your truck. Really, it makes me want to ram their car...with their face.

Enough of the violent tendencies. Occasionally, if they're original or something, I'm amused or flattered. Or if their somewhat appropriate. Like the time I was standing on a street corner under a lit lamppost at a busy intersection waiting for a friend like the good little prostitute I was and I could hear some guys in their car whistling and howling. With their windows up. It was totally called for and I laughed. Or if they sarcastically yell "Go Blue!" when I'm in Ohio and all they care about is some spiny nuts.

Today the kid rolls down his window and asks if I need a ride somewhere, like I'm some sort of vagabond obviously on my way home from school, like I'm walking down the side of the highway or something (although, seriously, I don't think people really know what walking is around here, I've seen kids take the bus one stop just around a corner when they could have been there faster by walking a diagonal across the parking lot - the quickest way from point A to B is a straight line).

I really wanted to say that I'm not supposed to take rides from strangers...maybe if you had a cooler car.

White Coat Update

2005-10-28T21:22:00.000-04:00

I've asked two people and they don't have to wear their white coats!

It's Halloween Time!

2005-10-26T17:54:00.000-04:00

This last weekend I went pumpkin picking. They had all kinds of pumpkins: tiny little ones, big round ones that were flat as if someone had sat on them, brains, deep orange and green ones that looked like hats. Mine is a white one with orange and green stripes.

Last night, I carved my pumpkin. Once I finally managed to get the top off (it was very thick!), the first thing I noticed was that, unlike other pumpkins that smell like pumpkin, mine smelled like melon. The second thing was that it had the consistency of melon (kind of squishy).

I spent a long time trying to figure out if maybe I'd picked a melon instead of a pumpkin. But it looked like a pumpkin. And the seeds, though larger than regular pumpkin seeds, were not melon seeds. But it still smelled and squashed like a melon when I poked it. I even asked the devil cat if it was a melon, after he ate it (on his own accord).

So I've decided it's maybe some sort of weirdo melon-pumpkin hybrid. If plants had sexes, this would be a pumplon (I picture the pumpkin a male and the male's name comes first, I think. Like Humanzee.).

For those of you who are curious, I carved it into a ghost, with big ol' eyes and a wiggly mouth.

The Old Man is Snoring

2005-10-24T17:19:00.000-04:00

My little toesies are all wet and have been wet all day from my walk to work this morning!

I should have listened to Lieutenant Dan.

Unfinished Sentence

2005-10-24T17:17:00.000-04:00

Ha ha, I'm going to throw a twist in and make this week's winner a combination of two answers:

"When I grow up, I want to be a bawler."

By Srah.

This week's sentence:

"I'm feeling uncreative today so ______"

Yeah, yeah.

Thank Goodness it's...October?

2005-10-19T21:49:00.000-04:00

Ok, so we all occasionally confuse the days, and think it's later in the week than it really is. But today I confused the months. Twice.

I sent this cracked out email to my cousin today, where I wished him a happy birthday. I KNOW his birthday's not in October and is, in fact, in November. However, I didn't know it wasn't November.

Earlier in the day, I thought I had missed someone else's birthday at the beginning of November.

I've decided to skip right past the rest of the month (and Halloween!) and move straight on into November.

The funniest part came when I was telling someone about this via email and I mistakenly wrote "I'm ahead by a whole monk".

A whole monk!

I'm Better Than You

2005-10-19T21:41:00.000-04:00

I saw today that the med students where I work wear their white coats to class. It's not a hospital. There are no patients. Why do they need to wear their coats? Are they told to wear their coats, like it's a uniform? Or did one of them just decide to do it and then the others start to do it too so as not to be shown up. It's a medical school. There's, like, 8 students there who are not trying to become medical doctors.

It's not just that they're wearing these coats. These are "advanced" kids, striving to be doctors by the age of 22. It's a building full of pretentious Doogie Howsers (in my opinion, Doogie was not pretentious, he was just smart). So the coats really don't add anything. Can you add showy-offness on top of false Doogieness?

I promise you, I'm not bitter. I just don't understand why. Do other medical schools without patients do this?

The Tale of the Incredible Growing Shirt and other stories

2005-10-18T21:37:00.000-04:00

Can shirt sleeves grow? I know they can shrink, but can they actually elongate themselves?

Now, I don't mean just stretched out; I mean a substantial growth.

I have this 3/4 length sleeved shirt on and I swear it looks as if I'm instead wearing shrunken long sleeves. Like high waters on my arms. I know my arms have shrunk in the last year, as evidenced by a slipping watch, but not in length.

I just picture it soon engulfing my entire body.

Yesterday's Lunch

2005-10-17T17:03:00.000-04:00

All I had in my house to eat was pasta. So I went to the grocery store. I decided to treat myself with some muffins but, rather than search out the yummy bakery muffins, I just picked up some that were right there.

I went home. The muffins, though lemon poppyseed, were lowfat and cholesterol free. (I should really learn to read the package before buying things. I live by the philosophy that if I'm going to eat anything but vegetables, they should be fat-full.) Therefore, they were extra chewy and dry. So I got some milk. And I took a big sip. Mmmm, milk. I finished the muffin and went to drink the rest of the milk and discovered...it was curdled (it was an opened, older milk, not the one I just bought)! It really hadn't tasted sour, in fact I had quite enjoyed it's cool refreshness. So my lunch was a big fat disappointment.

(Aside: in college, my roommates once made me drink milk that was way past the sell by date to make sure it was still good. You know how you can't tell anything by the smell. Because the rim always smells sour? Fortunately, it had yet to revolt.)

Oh Happy Day

2005-10-17T17:02:00.000-04:00

I got a raise at work today!

Unifinished Sentence

2005-10-17T16:59:00.000-04:00

Ok, so my mom wins last week's, just because she really wanted to and posted her answer 4 times. And because it's my mom. Here it is:

"The big fat man ran and ran in his dreams, because if he had run and run in real life, he would have been hauled away in an ambulance, and there would have been 500 more articles about obesity in the paper! "

And, just because you asked, here's the real poem:

The Big Fat Man

The big fat man
Ran and ran
On top of a van
With Jan.
He put ants
In her pants
And jumped off of the van
With a fan.

I was seven.

This week's sentence is

I want to be a ___________ when I grow up.

A Quick Fix

2005-10-13T16:55:00.000-04:00

Today at work, I accidently splashed bleach onto my shirt. I didn't realize at first, until I saw the spot of my shirt in the bathroom mirror. And it made me sad. I thought, great, maybe now I'll spill these chemicals on myself, too.

And then I thought, maybe I should. I was using a purple stain and wearing a purple shirt. And they looked the same shade. So I took a paint brush and filled in the bleach mark with the purple stain. And you can't even tell.

Quality Assurance

2005-10-12T20:32:00.000-04:00

Someone I know just got back from Madagascar and with him came Malagasy chocolate.

This is some good chocolate, let me tell you. I haven't had swiss chocolate in a while, but I think this wins. And I've discovered a new way of measuring the quality of something - if I can actually stop eating it (unlike the donut, see below).

I know, this seems counter intuitive; if it's really good, you should want to eat lots. Not so, my friend. If it's good, you should be quickly satisfied by a little flavor. Then you can savor. I feel like Charlie Bucket (in the first movie), where he eats just a nibble of his chocolate bar.

So apparently, my donuts (sorry, Entemann's, I still love you!) are not the equivalent of Malagasy chocoloate (in 24% (milk chocolate), 47% (dark) and 70% (even more dark) cocoa).

Oh, I'm not a chocolate snob. I'll eat any chocolate (well, except those gross coins and eggs at holidays). In fact, my dinner was a donut and 6 mini milky way bars. I like chocolate too much to be a chocolate snob, it'd get expensive!

The D.A.R.E. Program

2005-10-12T20:27:00.000-04:00

If I were a superhero, my weakness would be donuts.

I've discovered recently that if there is one donut, I will eat it. If there is four donuts, I will eat more than one. Recently, I told my mom that she can't buy donuts anymore if I'm in town. Because I eat them. At lab meeting, there are donuts. I eat them. I can't just stop at a normal one (unless it's a paczki, because they're so sugary I'd die).

I hate to think of all the things I could have accomplished if it weren't for distraction by donuts.

In the words of Homer Simpson...well, you know the rest...

Unfinished Sentence

2005-10-10T17:24:00.000-04:00

The winner of last week:

Srah, with "Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your chin hair grow?"

I first read it on a Mac, where the commenter's name covers up part of the comment. I had to copy and paste it somewhere else in order to read it, so I didn't really know what to expect. That's why I picked it.

My answer would have been something inanimate that doesn't really grow.

Here's this week's sentence:

"The big fat man ran and ran ____________."

This is an excerpt from a poem I wrote which was almost published (it won some contest, but we would have had to pay to publish it). If you're good, I'll recite the rest next week (I don't want to give any help by writing it all now. It's quite stellar.)

My Evening

2005-10-09T10:48:00.000-04:00

Last night I went back into the city for a concert. It seems every year a friend of mine gets tickets to something that someone can't make, so I become her date. Two years ago, we saw Wynton Marsalis. Last night we saw the Foo Fighters.

The Kaiser Chiefs opened for them, which was exciting because I didn't know who was opener and I like them. Weezer was also touring with them. With the exception of The Sweater Song, I'm not a huge fan of them, but they were good, too. Both bands were good performers and good live. Then the Foo Fighters got on stage and Dave Grohl was running around like crazy. It was a great show. Great. (I'm a little lacking on the adjectives this morning).

It was fun people watching. There was a group of kids in front of us who were annoying but amusing. They were all Too Cool for School and the one girl kept turning around and glaring at everyone, but no one in particular, behind her. One guy would call up his buddies (I assume) and let them hear the concert, but really he would just sing into the phone for them. If I were his friend, which I wouldn't be, I would punch him in the face, he was so stupid. I also enjoyed watching security at the floor "seats" actually catch the crowd surfers who were being thrown to the front of the crowd. The kids would be uprighted and just Return to Start.

Remember the Alamo...Bowl

2005-10-09T10:43:00.000-04:00

A while back, we were eating Special Edition Tostitos and saw they were giving away a trip to Michigan's bowl game. Someone pointed out that it was a little early for that contest, as the football season had just started. The rest of us scoffed because when was the last time they didn't go to a bowl game?

Ha. There's, like, 90 bajillion bowl games to go to and it doesn't seem all that hard to go, unless you're State, but we seemed to want to challenge ourselves by losing every other game. I think Tostitos is going to make out very well with their contest, as they won't have to front the money for anything, except maybe a salad bowl.

It Was Against the Wind

2005-10-09T10:34:00.000-04:00

I made my goal yesterday at the race! I was aiming to finishing faster than I had last time, which was 45 minutes. This year I ran about 2.3 miles (it was more than 2 but I don't think it was quite 2.5) of it and beat my time by 10 minutes!

After the race, I toured the sponsor tents and picked up all the free stuff I could. There weren't as many tents or people this year, probably because the weather was yucky. But I braved it and, at 9 AM I was eating ice cream in the freezing, pelting rain. We had our team picture taken and I'm sure it'll be very attractive because everyone was soaked and trying to smile through the pain, er, rain. (Eventually, we sought shelter in the lobby of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.) But, despite the rain flying at us at 200 mph, it was a good time.

Undecipherables

2005-10-07T20:17:00.000-04:00

Is this like unmentionables?

Last night, being the good little anthropologist I am, I was watching a program on PBS about the migration of people out of Africa 45 mya. My favorite (?) quote was "If Africa is our cradle, then the Middle East is the nursery of Human Kind." Um, can someone please explain WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT? Does that actually make any kind of sense? Shouldn't cradles be IN the nursery, what? If only my English GRE scores hadn't been so low....(you know, all those analogies and Old English words come in real handyin my daily conversations)

They Way of the Diary

2005-10-07T20:07:00.000-04:00

I have been a horrible blogger! I was never one for keeping diaries or journals and the pressure of writing for thousands (ok, four) people hasn't seemed to encouraged me to keep up-to-date. Though you may not have gathered from such fantastic posts as SHOES or most of the others, I actually can tell a mean story. Problem is, there haven't been too many stories that weren't "and then I did this and then I did that and then I ate ice cream".

Tomorrow I have plans that have potential, although could just as easily be a "and then" story. I'm "running" (I'm not a runner, I'm actually very anti-running, my escuse being it's bad for the knees) in the

Race for the Cure. I "ran" (about a third of it) two years ago and enjoyed it. I'm glad to be getting back to it.

Unfinished Sentence

2005-10-03T18:05:00.000-04:00

Man, there were some good ones! I liked Angela Lansbury because I like anything to do with ol' Angie because it freaks Alfie out. I also like BOTH of Katie's answers (why would Babe Ruth throw particularly good parties?) but, just to give other people a chance, this week's winner is Tony with:

"The best person to have as a neighbor would be the Crazy Burger King guy because we could play football together and I would totally lateral to him so he could take it to the hizouse! "

I love the Burger King guy because he kinda creeps me out, in a good sort of way.

The newest sentence of fun is:

"Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your __________ grow?"

SHOES!

2005-10-03T17:54:00.000-04:00

I love shoes. A few months ago, I made a deal with a friend that, once we both had jobs, we'd go shoe shopping. Now we both do. So, when are we going? Are you going to be around in three weekends? I want some dark casual sneaker-types.

Anyway, that's not the post. This weekend, we went dancing and, after a couple hours moved off the floor for a bit. Some guys came up to us and began chatting with us. I was told that my shoes were tight (although, this came during a conversation about how we weren't dancing because two of my friend's shoes hurt their feet, so I had to clarify if they were "tight as in restrictive or tight as in tight"). I love that my shoes were tight (it was the latter). I love 'em. They're my "brown boots" because that's what I was looking for when I bought them. In reality, they're three-inch pink heels with open toes. Even though I'm tall, I like wearing heels. They make me feel pretty, oh so pretty (not that flats make me feel like a troll under the bridge or anything. Maybe it's the clickity-clack of the shoes. Iono.).

Shoes shoes shoes shoes shoes (sorry, there's not much else to this story). Shoes!

Bank Two...Or Even Worse

2005-10-03T17:46:00.000-04:00

I hate my bank.

I've hated my bank ever since I opened the account two years ago. But I wanted a bank that is also in my parents' city. So I joined Bank "One".

This weekend I went out to buy presents - two birthday and one bridal shower - and a light bulb. And, as I was paying for my first purchase, I learned that my debit card had expired and that my bank hadn't bothered to send me a new one. So I had to charge it, even though I've stopped using my credit cardand am trying to pay it off (which, by the way, is what I was going to do with my paycheck except they prorated last month and I can't now).

I called customer service to try to reactivate the card and the woman told me I should have received a new card but they would send another (she also told me I could go to any branch and get a temporary ATM card to which I replied "riiiight, but they're all closed"). But my bank is a bunch of liars, so we'll see. In 5-7 business days, I expect my suspicions to be confirmed. When I first opened the account, it took them 5 weeks (and many inquiries and demands made by me) to send the original debit card. They kept telling me it was on its way. (Also, they once opened a credit card for me without my knowledge and "cancelled" it when I asked yet still called me about it, making me think it wasn't actually cancelled. I never received a card for that, either, come to think of it.)

I was late for work this afternoon because I had to actually go to the bank during business hours. I guess the good thing about all this is I can't spend money on silly stuff, like groceries.

Everybody's Working for the Weekend

2005-09-30T20:39:00.000-04:00

(Ha, are you singing the song now?)

I am not a workaholic. In fact, I am so not a workaholic that I am taking the entire weekend off (ok, Saturday afternoon into the evening and night and Sunday) to play.

Unfortunately, that means working 2 full days in one (8 hours at each job).

Don't tell my (1st) boss. He already thinks I'm insane. Hey, at least I'm dedicated (and rich! I got my first paycheck today from job #2. Guess what I'm going to do with it! Ha, you'll be kept in suspense until Monday.).

A Day Out of Normal

2005-09-28T16:46:00.000-04:00

Well, it was still normal, but it broke my daily routine of working, walking home, driving to work, working, driving home. Yesterday I went to a New Hire Training workshop.

Let me tell YOU, it feels nice to be a grown-up. Even in the time I took off between colleges, I still didn't feel quite as grown-up as now. Yesterday, I learned all about benefits, something I did not get to experience in previous jobs.

I get medical. I get dental. I get vision, even though I can't see ever using it (I don't wear any kind of corrective lenses. Maybe I should go have some sort of eye injury? Or maybe just an irritation). I even get life insurance. And a retirement plan, although that's not as exciting because I don't plan on retiring from here so I won't get full use out of it.

No more fears of falling down some stairs and having to pay for any repairs to myself!

Lab "Meeting"

2005-09-26T13:21:00.000-04:00

Our lab meeting today was just an excuse for me to eat a bajillion donuts. Blech. Mmm...donuts....

Unifinished Sentence I'm Not Even Going to Bother With a Week

2005-09-26T13:17:00.000-04:00

And the winner of last week's sentence:

Sojoyful with "When you put a lot of archivists together, that's what you get."

I liked that one because the original sentence was "monkeys", referring to how heavy a box packed with (stuffed and fake) monkeys was and she's drawing from experience and using her profession.

This week's sentence:

The best person to have as a neighbor would be _________ because _________.

This can be because you want to throw parties with them or water balloons at them. See you later!

Would You Like A Twist of Lime?

2005-09-24T15:17:00.000-04:00

My cat has been without (cat) food for the last two days (he likes dry rice krispies and I've supplemented that with treats) as I have been without money for the last 14 (and, for those of you who don't know, cats get crazy when the don't eat for a couple days. This morning, at 7:30, he was throwing himself against my bedroom door). But a friend of mine hooked me up with a coupon for up to $20 of free cat food so today I went shopping.

Normally, I get the medium bag because I don't have room to store anything bigger. But, because it was free, I was going to get the largest bag I could.

The largest bag I could get for free was two pounds bigger.

Dude, that is some pampered cat. As it is, I have to buy him fancier food than the grocery store has (he has health issues), and I realize higher quality food is better for animals than the chicken and fish bits in the generic or even cheap brands, but he's eating better than me! I get yogurt and he gets veal chops or something.

Sing Me a Song

2005-09-24T15:01:00.000-04:00

It's funny how life has a soundtrack. A song will come on and it will remind me of an event or person in my life. Right now, Africa, by Toto, is playing. This is what it reminds me of:

My senior year of high school (and I hesitated telling you that because of what follows), we threw a going away party for a couple people. By the end of the night, there were four of us left and we all decided to just spend the night at our friend's house and then go to breakfast the next morning. Two of us stayed up the entire night and, while our other two friends slept, we created a fort (yes, a fort). Along with other things around the basement, we took a big inflatable chair and propped it up next to the pool table. Of course we covered the whole thing with blankets, as any proper fort would have. The rest of the night was spent just chatting in our fort with some 1980s Billboard Hits playing over and over in the background. This included Africa, Living in a Trailor Park and Giving Off Sparks (what's the real name of that song? Turn Around?) and We Come From the Land Down Under.

At the Creepy Workplace Again

2005-09-24T13:48:00.000-04:00

...Today the door did not close behind me on my way in. It slammed shut as if to keep me here forever.

(This would have been worse yesterday at night than today during the day, but I still see it as a sign of evil forces.)

Archivesy Meme

2005-09-24T13:44:00.000-04:00

I got this from Srah. My archive's not so old, but here goes.

1. Go into your archive.

2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).

3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).

4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

"Wanna hear about the time I was abused by a monkey?"
- Thursday, August 9, 2005

A John Carpenter Moment

2005-09-23T20:46:00.000-04:00

My work is creepy.

It's 8:30 pm. I just got to work. Work is this large building seriously in the middle of farm country. The highway's close, but the roosters are closer, blocking out the highway. Not that it matters, because the highway's kind of rural, as rural as an interstate can be, I guess. And it's dark. And they close of my parking lot on the weekends for some reason. So I have to come in some obscure doorway and meander my way through until I get to my wing. And there's lots of big, glass windows. And it's quiet. Quieter than a normal empty building. And the coke machines are sensored and come on when you walk by, interrupting the quiet.

It's freakin' me out, man.

The Forearm of Superman

2005-09-23T12:17:00.000-04:00

When I worked at The Putt-Putt (see: Putterz), we served ice cream. Not all the time but, during my time there, I developed one slightly more muscular forearm (not noticibly stronger, at least to the naked eye. It wasn't gigantic or anything, I didn't have one massive arm and one weakling arm, although that's an interesting image). It was muscular enough that, when I stopped working year-round and only worked summers, the first summer back, I was all "This ice cream's harder than it used to be!" when really I was just a little softer in the arm.

I do have some guns (again, not body-builder type and I can't do chin-ups, but I can lift heavy boxes), but I can see a similar situation as Putt-Putt beginning again. At my new job, there are days where I sit in one place all day just pulling this little contraption towards me with my right arm. It requires some force on my part.

So, I guess I'll have to start sewing half of a super hero costume (outfit?) because I think, at least one part of my body, will soon be crying out for one.